Junichi purses his lips, frowning. “I feel like that’s a very personal question.” Haruka rolls his eyes. I stifle the urge to chuckle.

“Yes,” I say. “I do… Why is this happening to me? Why now?”

“I have already expressed this to Jun, because he has asked the same question,” Haruka says. “Based on what I know of vampiric natures and forming romantic bonds, it is likely that your natures are highly compatible—which is why your scent registers so strongly to Junichi, and why this emergence is occurring within you now. It is as if something about Junichi is compelling your blood to awaken and flourish. Like magnets.”

Forming romantic bonds… Shit. I nod, vaguely understanding what all that means. I don’t know exactly how vampire bonds are formed, but I do know they’re serious business. Not like a human marriage where you can just “grow apart” or cite “irreconcilable differences” in a swift divorce. You’re supposed to be in a vampire bond for life. You link up your genetic code with this person who perfectly matches you, and you match them, so don’t be an idiot and try to look elsewhere or you’ll die.

Distracted, I look up at Junichi. “What do I smell like—”

“Not right now, please.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Haruka shakes his head at Junichi and continues. “I feel that while your interaction with Junichi has undoubtedly stirred your nature, your bloodline was already in a state of unrest. You mentioned feeling ‘twisty and weird,’ or ‘anxious,’ around us?”

“Yes. Since I moved to Japan, it’s been worse than ever.”

“Vampiric bloodlines, particularly those higher in nature, are innately drawn to each other. We are creatures who flourish in a community. As such, we naturally gravitate toward our own kind. Where there is a purebred, other ranked vampires eventually follow. Your living here as opposed to England—where there are no purebreds and few ranked vampires—has also likely roused your burgeoning nature.”

I’m wondering about my life and this path I’ve taken of studying vampires, becoming a vampire doctor and moving here. Was it my choice? Or was it this “nature” thing inside me compelling me the entire time without my consciously knowing? And is that thing me as well? I talk as if it’s something separate from me—some foreign, alien thing that’s inhabiting my body. Something that’s taken control of my fate and actions. But he’s telling me it’s always been there, silently occupying the driver’s seat.

It’s unsettling.

I shake my head. I’ll tackle that later. “So… do you think my mum was a vampire as well? What happened to me this week… is that what happened to her?”

“I believe so,” Haruka says. “Your mother was likely vampiric in nature but never properly fed. Whether or not she knew as much and refused, we can never be certain. But it is possible you would have befallen the same fate—either yesterday or sometime in the future.”

All of this feels unreal. “I didn’t know what was happening to me this week. I knew I needed something, that my body was lacking something vital. But I had no idea what that was. How was I supposed to know? How could Mum have known? If you’ve never been a proper vampire, how could you know you need blood?”

“Given your upbringing, you could not have known. Thankfully, you are uniquely close to high-level vampires who do and are capable of supporting you.”

“I’m… I’m very grateful,” I say, offering a bow from my chair.

Haruka smiles gracefully. “We are your kin. It is our responsibility to see you through this transition.”

I whip my head up, blinking. “So… I’m a vampire, but not quite? And you keep saying I’m ranked. What… what rank am I?” This is all so bizarre. I can’t even believe I’m asking these questions.

“You’re still in the oven, sunshine,” Junichi says, leaning forward onto his elbows. “Not quite done.”

“Which means…”

“Your nature will take some time to fully awaken,” Haruka answers. “We’re not sure of your rank yet, but Junichi feels you are likely first-generation based on the quality of your blood. However, time will tell. Your skin is also still too soft, and you do not have fangs to feed properly, correct?”

I shake my head. “I don’t… not that I know of.”

“The more you feed from your source over time, your true nature will reveal itself. I do not know how much time, but I imagine weeks or months. Possibly days. Not years, considering the rate of change you’re already experiencing.”

“Okay…” I breathe, blinking. “Okay… I’m turning into a vampire… That’s fine… Brilliant.”

Junichi speaks up again. “You’re not exactly turning, Jae. You’ve always been one of us. Your perception just needs to adjust, along with your body and nature. You’re emerging.”

Right. Adjust my perception. Easy to say, much harder to do. Deep breathing. Don’t freak out in front of the vampires. Christ. I’m a vampire too. Deep breathing.

“I’ll see you through this process,” Junichi says. I hadn’t even realized my eyes were closed as I shift my gaze toward him. “I’ll be your source the entire time. Haruka thinks we need to take this slow, so I’ll be with you and make sure your nature remains stable.”

“Since this is an unprecedented and delicate circumstance,” Haruka says, “I feel it is best to keep the same source throughout the process. When you feel the desire to feed, you should express as much. Try not to feed from other sources for now.”

I draw back. “I absolutely would not. I would be utterly mad.” The mere thought of drinking some random vampire’s blood makes me heave. I’m barely accustomed to the little Junichi has given me. It’s still fucking weird, but simultaneously quite nice… like spinach in a fruit smoothie or pineapple on a pizza. Who figured that out?

Haruka stands from the table, and Junichi and I automatically follow his lead.

“I have many resource materials within my library at home. It would be beneficial for you to read through my books to learn more… restricted information about our culture. Your culture. I can also answer questions should they arise. Is this something you’d be interested in?”

Oh, God yes. “Yes, absolutely. I can also keep you updated with the surrogacy candidate process. Jun let me know I can officially begin contacting people and collecting information.”

Haruka smiles sweetly. “That is wonderful news. Shall we begin next week, after shōgi?”

“Yes, that’s perfect. Thank you, Haruka.”

“It is my pleasure, and thank you for helping us grow our family.”

After he leaves, I realize I feel better. For me, knowledge truly is power. At the very least, I have a stronger understanding of what the hell is going on. There are still so many unknowns, and calling myself a proper vampire feels bonkers, but the load feels a little lighter.

Once he’s seen Haruka to the door and we’re alone, Junichi tells me he wants to hash out a few more details. When we’re sitting on my sofa with beers, he turns to me, point blank.

“I don’t think we should have sex while we’re doing this.”

I blink. “Excuse me?” We didn’t make love last night. He said I needed to rest and recover, which I agreed with. Plus, who wants to make love with someone whose skin feels like tree bark? Apparently, though, his reasoning stretched deeper.

“You’re slowly awakening, Jae, and I’m feeding you—nourishing you through this. I’m not going to feed from you, but I’ve already bitten you once. Since there are so many unknowns… I would feel more comfortable if we kept things simple. You’re definitely ranked. We don’t know when you’ll turn, and… I don’t—I just don’t want things to get complicated, or for us to fall into something we’re unprepared for.”

Translation: he doesn’t want us to accidentally bond. I don’t know what has to happen to form a vampiric bond, but if I’m honest, I feel a little gutted by this. If you’d asked me which I prefer, “Junichi as a masterful lover?” or “Junichi’s blood?”, I would have chosen the former, without question.

“Okay,” I say, keeping my real feelings to myself. “I understand. I appreciate your doing this for me. Being my source. I obviously respect whatever terms you have.” I look up at him, but then quickly look away and take a sip of my beer. His eyes are staring down at me, and those lips…

Can we not kiss? Cuddling is off the table too?

“Also,” he begins, “you live almost an hour away from me. I know this is closer to the hospital for you, but how do you feel about living with me during this process?”

“Will I be able to work without issue? Is my position at the hospital in jeopardy? The surrogate program…”

“Your position is safe. As long as you feel up to it, please continue as normal. You’ll just be living with me so it’ll be more convenient to feed you.”

I consider the circumstance: living with Jun, but not sleeping with him or kissing his soft, full lips. Not running my fingertips against his tight tummy or brushing my nose into him. Smelling him all the time. Seeing him every day.

It sounds like hell.

“If that works best for you,” I say. Poker face on. I can keep it in my trousers. I can. “I should not expect you to travel an hour out of your way to do this for me. Of course I can.”

“Alright. I appreciate it.”