He’s trembling. I can see it as he runs his hand into his thick curls atop his head, and his eyes are bewildered in a way I’ve never seen. Usually, Jun’s black irises are so cool and calm. Sometimes I can’t tell what he’s thinking because he’s got such a swaggery poker face. His face is not like that right now. It’s distressed.

Worried, I lean onto the bed with both palms flat, careful not to invade his space or startle him. “What’s the matter?” He’d glanced off, but now he’s looking at me again. His hand is still shaking when he reaches, wraps it around one of my wrists and gently urges me onto the bed.

Understanding, I climb on. He slowly pulls me down. As I adjust on my side, he snakes his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. Embracing me. He nestles his body into me so that his face is at the center of my collarbone and just underneath my chin. I can feel his breath there as he holds me tight, so I shift and cradle his head in my arms. My chin rests against the top of his soft head.

He’s not saying anything, but after a minute, the shaking subsides. His breathing is slow and deep with his arms wrapped tightly around me. His skin is a bit cold at first, but after a moment, he warms up as he relaxes against me. Perfectly still. Soon, I feel myself drifting off to sleep as well.

This is even better than a heavy duvet. This is winter sleeping elevated.

My fingertips are pressing and rubbing up against something firm and taut. There are silky hairs there. I smile because it’s nice and I remember this texture. This sensation. When I remember why I like it and why it makes me smile, I open my eyes wide.

It’s morning. I’m halfway atop Jun’s body, leaning into him on my belly. He’s on his back. I push myself up slightly. He’s got his fingers in my hair, caressing my scalp as I look down at him, panicked. I’m even more anxious when I realize he’s naked. Wonderfully, perfectly, but the towel is gone—unraveled somehow in the night.

“Shit. Sorry, Jun.”

He’s awake and lazily watching me, a gentle smile on his lovely lips. “Good morning, sunshine.”

I rub my palm down my face. God, he’s gorgeous. “Morning.”

“What are you sorry for?”

I look down the length of his naked body again. Shit. Stop that. “I shouldn’t be in here… but, are you alright? The cat made me come in here to check on you. I am literally what the cat dragged in.”

Jun laughs, and the anxiety in my chest eases a little. I keep rubbing my fingers against his tight abdomen because, well, he doesn’t seem to mind it and I’ve missed this. Very much.

“I’m pretty sure my mother did something to that cat,” he says. “She liked science and had a curious mind.”

I frown. “The cat or your mum?”

“My mother… clearly.”

“Right. Why do you think?”

“Lulú was my mother’s cat. She’s been alive and perfectly healthy for… Maybe it’ll be eighty-three years this year?”

“You have got to be shitting me.”

Junichi shrugs against the bed. “Nope. My best guess is Mom injected her with her own blood, but I’ll never know. I only say that because she weirdly reminds me of my mother sometimes.”

“God…” I shake my head. “A vampire cat.” I’m one part amazed, one part anxious and one part wondering if I need to show Lulú much more respect going forward.

“Not technically. She doesn’t bite or feed—at least, I’ve never seen her do that.”

“Maybe she needs to be awakened,” I whisper, slightly horrified. “Like me…”

Junichi is laughing when he pulls me down toward his mouth. The ridiculous B-list horror movie tension I feel fades. Normally, I part my lips immediately, but I don’t now because I’m not sure how far he wants this to go. Soon, he’s urging me to part them, so I do. Meeting the warmth and wetness of his mouth, his tongue is divine. I’ve missed him. He’s been kissing and nipping at me for the past month, playfully. Innocently.

It drives me mad. I feel like a hungry bear, and he keeps petting and teasing me, but I want to turn around and swallow him whole. Maybe I’ll dry-hump him first.

Just as the kiss is getting good and my skin is getting hot, he breaks it, staring up at me with soft black eyes. I’m preparing myself for the worst when he whispers, “May I have you?”

I almost say, “But what if we bond?”

I’m not stupid though, so instead I say, “Yes.”

He lifts his head to kiss me again. This time, I put my whole self in it, breathing into him and shamelessly tasting him. Reacquainting myself with the texture of his tongue and the rhythm of his mouth as it moves. While we kiss, I shift my robe off my shoulders with one hand. Jun senses I want to be naked and helps me, freeing me from the material.

When it’s off, he rolls me onto my back and sits up. I hook my thumbs into my joggers to start working them down. He helps me again, grabbing them at my thighs and pulling them toward my feet. The other two times we made love, Jun was so slow in all his movements, like we had all day—forever, even.

Now there’s a frenetic energy between us, like we both desperately need this. I’m naked when he climbs back up toward my face. He reaches between us to align his cock against mine before he rests his hips down. Everything below and around my navel feels like fire—amazing heat that makes me groan and writhe. When he presses our mouths together again, his movement is hungry, but soon, it’s slowing back down to our usual pace.

We’re kissing softer now, and I’m just enjoying the heaviness of him on top of me. The taste of his mouth. My thighs are gaped open, and I lazily pull one of my knees up and slide my ankle against the outside of his leg. We break the kiss, and he stares down at me as I run my hands up the center of his back. I suddenly feel like we’re in the eye of a tornado, perfectly quiet and still.

“What?” I grin. I’m so happy like this. Just like this.

He answers by leaning down and rubbing his nose into me, which gets me every fucking time. Like my heart might burst. I close my eyes and try not to let it overwhelm me.

After a few more soft, lovely kisses, he sits up and off me again, smiling. “One moment, please.” He stands. I watch his long, wonderfully golden-brown and finely muscled body move toward the bathroom. I hear a cabinet or two open and close, then he’s walking toward me again with his hands full.

I’m surprised when he sits against my side and pops the lube open. Once it’s spread on his fingers, he lies down, making himself comfortable beside me and propping himself up with one elbow against the pillow. “Do you have a preference?” he asks.

“I like watching you. I like seeing what you do to me.”

Jun reaches down and grips his fingers around my shaft first, making me suck in a breath. He’s stroking and pulling me. I lift my hips up into his movement because it feels excellent. After a minute he moves his fingers down lower. “Can you take over?”

I reach down and grip my own shaft while Jun’s fingertips massage and caress lower and lower until they’re flirting with my opening. He’s barely done anything and I honestly might go crazy. Everything in me is ecstatic and wild. My entire body is celebrating this.

He presses a finger into me. I breathe and relax with the intrusion. It’s good, but I’m already imagining the fullness of him inside me. I’m mentally past this stretching business and I want all of him. I close my eyes, imagining it as I pull and grip myself. Jun is pressing his finger in and out of me in a slow, steady movement.

Gradually, he pushes deeper. When he hits just the right spot, the rush of warm pleasure springs up on me from nowhere, like liquid heat shooting up my spine. I arch my neck, groan and let it take me. Let it engulf me from head to toe.

Jun kisses me as I slowly come down—on my cheek, my temple and my ear. My breathing is heavy, chest rising and falling. He keeps kissing me and it’s so loving. Attentive. Like my climaxing is the only thing he wanted and he’s thrilled about it.

“God,” I breathe, just as he presses a second finger into me. I shift slightly toward him now, angling myself to give him better access to my body. I’m right underneath him as I look up and smile. “Hi.”

He laughs. I love making him laugh. “You’re beautiful when you come,” he says.

I feel the warm flush of embarrassment color my face. “Not something I thought I’d hear today… or ever.”

“You are.” He leans down and kisses me again while gently stroking his fingers in and out, twisting and flexing. “You give yourself over to it,” he says, breaking the kiss. “To me and what I’m giving you. It’s alluring, watching you… so trusting.”

“Because it’s you. You make me feel this way.”

There’s an irony here. When I asked Haruka what it meant to bond a few weeks ago, his definition was much simpler and more objective than Jun’s. Haruka said, “To be truly bonded with someone is to trust them completely. To openly give of yourself and your affection.”

I like this explanation. It makes sense and I feel it with Jun. I trust him. He’s turning me, or “awakening” me, for God’s sake. I trust him to do this utterly insane thing to me. For me. And I… I would honestly give him anything if he wanted it. Everything.