“Christ, Jun…”

I shrug. “He’s usually a self-absorbed wretch of a creature, but yesterday was especially malicious.”

“Why?”

I consider that for a moment, and everything Ren said to me. Bottom line? “He wants me but I don’t want him. Technically, we should have bonded a long time ago.”

Jae nods. “You told me that. I remember…”

“It’ll never happen. I haven’t even slept with him in decades. I thought he understood where I was coming from, but apparently he’s just been ‘letting me play’ all this time—like I’m his fucking pet and he’s always been the one in control. Now he’s done with that, it seems. He’s insane.”

Jae’s hand hasn’t moved in a couple minutes—just resting flat against my stomach as he stares at me, worried. “When you say he ‘suppressed’ you, what do you mean?”

“Purebreds can radiate their vampiric energy outward. And if their blood is especially clean, they can manipulate it in such a way where it’s like having unique powers. It’s originated in their blood and emotions, and they can use it to compel or control their prey—to make some poor sap do what they wish by force. It feels like shit and it’s painful.”

“It sounds terrible.”

“I hate it.”

“So, what will you do?” Jae asks.

I shift my hands from behind my head, rubbing them down my face from stress. I had pushed the reality of it aside until now. “I need to quit him, obviously.”

“Right. He’s legitimately abusive, Jun. Physically and emotionally.”

“I know. It’s just… It’s easier said than done. I won’t go back. I won’t. But… I don’t know what that means. How my body will respond to that decision.”

Finding another first-gen or lower-ranked vampire to feed from would be pretty easy. But how long before my body starts to act up? And can I successfully push through the withdrawal? How long will I have to suffer before I can function normally? Comfortably? I’m stressed just thinking about all this shit.

When I flick my eyes back up to Jae, he has that look again—like he wants to say something but he’s hesitating. I reach my hand down and meet his underneath my shirt, wrapping my fingers around his. “What is it? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Thirty-Two

Jae

I’m thinking two things. One—I never want Jun to go see Ren again. Ever. I know there’s a hierarchy within vampire culture, but it’s difficult for me to imagine anyone subjugating Jun. He’s confident and independent. Debonair. He’s such a mentally strong person that anyone getting the better of him—no, abusing him—is beyond me. I can’t fathom it.

Two, I clench Jun’s hand a little tighter at his stomach. “I know I’m not quite out of the oven yet, but… when you feed from me, is it satisfying? Are you fulfilled in your nature?”

“Mm.” He nods against the pillow, watching me. “Strangely.”

“Right, well, why not feed from me then? Don’t go back to Ren. Just have me as your source?”

On record, this is not a snap decision. Every time he’s gone to Ren in the past month of us living together, I’ve thought this. I don’t know Ren, but I don’t like him. Junichi is never pleased to go to him, so I’m displeased right along with him. Junichi always has a contented air about him—until the day comes when he needs to see Ren. His entire demeanor shifts on those days, and I really hate it.

Jun is watching me carefully with his black irises. I can’t read him. “You’re offering yourself to me?” he says.

I blink, sensing some formal nuance I don’t understand hidden within the words. “Well… yes. Is this particularly special in vampire culture?”

“It is.” Junichi cracks a smile. “It’s kind of a big deal, Jae.”

“Should—should I get on one knee or something?”

Junichi laughs. “No. You’re thinking of marrying me now?”

“I—” I swallow hard because my heart has leapt up into my throat. Shit. I… What?

“As ranked vampires,” Junichi explains, “we’re very selective about who we offer ourselves to. It’s a personal choice, but some of us only do it a few times within the span of our lifetime.”

“In what circumstances is it appropriate?”

“Hm… it depends. Sometimes sources are established through a contract when we’re children and before we even come of age at sixteen—which was the case with me and Ren. Sometimes we choose our sources based on personal preferences. Either way, the long-term intent is to bond. This is why I haven’t secured a new source, Jae. Because they will one hundred percent request that I form a bond with them.”

I nod. “So you’ve been sticking with the devil you know.”

“Basically.”

“But now the devil is demanding that you try bonding with him again?”

“Right.” Jun surprises me when he lifts our hands from underneath his shirt. He gently tugs me forward, bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my fingers. He pauses and looks up at me, serious. “I know I’m helping you through this process, but you should never feel beholden to me. Even after you’ve awakened, you are free to leave here and explore our culture—your new life and how you fit into the world. I think it’ll be good for you to do, actually. So be careful about offering yourself, alright?”

He kisses my fingers again, closing his eyes. I hear what he’s saying. I do. I see the logic in it, but… I scoot a little closer, looking down into his face. “I understand. And thank you for telling me those things, but… Jun, I want you. You give yourself to me constantly, so I want to give myself to you, too—to help you. I hate seeing you in this shitty situation with Ren, and I—”

I stop short because I feel the emotions bubbling up warm within me, breaking the surface and making my face flush. Three words. Rising up from nowhere, and I don’t know if I should say them. If it’s too soon, even though the fact that they’re even in me now is validation enough.

But I swallow them down and take a breath. “I know that being free is extremely important to you. So if I’m satisfying for you, let me feed you, and then you can have your freedom… with me?”

My heart is beating like crazy in my chest and I’m embarrassed as I watch him. There’s a moment of pause where Jun is staring back at me, not moving. Just as I’m wondering if I should run out the back door and impale myself on the nearest fence post, something truly remarkable happens. Something I’ve only seen once before with my own two eyes.

The black, liquid pools of his irises become brighter from the center—morphing and glowing like a dimmer switch is slowly being turned on. The moment I gasp at the drastic shift in color, he shuts his eyes tightly and brings his palms to his face, groaning. “Ay, Dios mííío…”

I sit up like a rocket, my eyes wide with shock. “Jun, what—what’s happening?”

“No puedo creer que esto está pasando…”

I have no idea what he’s saying, but he’s so obviously riled up that it makes me smile as I reach and wrap my fingers around his wrists. “Jun, stop—I can’t speak Spanish! Let me see?” I pull his hands from his face, but his eyes are shut tight. “Jun.”

I wait as he exhales a deep breath then opens one eye. I shake my head because it’s breathtaking. He opens both eyes and looks at me. The weird melty feeling that had subsided shifts in me, like it’s warm and bubbling deep at my spine. It’s distracting, but I can’t take my eyes off him. His irises are glowing in bright, vivid purple—like amethyst crystal.

He rubs his palm down his face. “Unbelievable…”

“Why? It’s—You’re ravishing. Christ, Jun. How is this scientifically possible?”

Jun laughs. “Wow.” He opens his glowing eyes, but he shifts his head on the pillow, looking away from me and staring out through the glass wall.

“Why does this happen?” I ask, leaning over him. “I saw Haruka’s eyes alight once—crimson. He was angry, I think. Are you upset?”

“No,” Jun answers quickly. “I’m not.”