Part 3 is about more than just surviving; it’s about thriving. It’s about channeling the lessons from our past and the strength from our healing journey into a life that is rich, full, and utterly filled with the kind of love we’ve always needed from ourselves and others. Let’s dive in, with hearts open and minds ready, to discover what it means to truly thrive.
It’s important to remember that just like anything else worth having in life, achieving a successful conscious love relationship requires work from both parties involved. It takes effort—from being vulnerable with one another to actively practicing the skills necessary for cultivating mutual respect—to make sure that your relationship can continue growing stronger over time. It’s essential to be patient with yourself (as well as your partner) during the process. After all, no two people have the same experiences or perspectives on life. We all mess up, but there are some crucial green flags to look for that help indicate someone is willing to put in the time and effort conscious love takes.
If you’re looking for a relationship that is fulfilling and empowering, these green flags can help guide you to a conscious love relationship where you both can be your true selves, feel safe, and grow together. These green flags are also elements we should strive to embody ourselves.
Green flags don’t mean your relationship will be perfect, but they can lead you to a more stable and fulfilling future with your partner. They signify a safe place to work through the issues that will naturally arise along the way. You’ll have the tools to work through conflict instead of resorting to harmful behaviors that seek to control rather than resolve. Green flags give you the information you need about what might stand between you and feeling worthy of having a healthy and safe relationship.
For example, if trust, honesty, and open communication are important to us, then we should embody these qualities in our own behavior. This means being transparent, speaking our truth, and holding ourselves accountable for our actions. When we embody these green flags, our partners are more likely to respond in kind and treat us with the same respect and honesty we show them.
In the context of healing after toxic dynamics, the following green flags can be especially meaningful as they serve as markers of growth and progress:
Honest and Respectful Communication: Partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or backlash. For example, having difficult conversations without invalidating each other’s feelings.
Healthy Boundaries: Partners respect each other’s boundaries without requiring self-abandonment. Partners who respect each other’s boundaries and have open communication about their individual needs are likely to have a healthier and happier relationship.
Emotional Safety: Partners feel safe and secure in expressing their emotions, and are able to handle disagreements and conflicts in a respectful and non-toxic manner. Both parties also regulate their emotions and self-soothe to allow for clear communication without volatile or harmful behavior.
Mutual Respect: Partners view each other as equals and are committed to treating each other with dignity and kindness.
Prioritizing Emotional Growth: Partners are committed to self-improvement and supporting each other in their personal growth journeys. They acknowledge that their partner isn’t supposed to meet all of their needs in the way that a parent meets the needs of a child.
Normalizing Disappointment: Partners recognize that disappointment is normal, while also guarding against resentment.
Collaborative Problem Solving: Partners work together to find solutions to challenges, rather than blaming or attacking each other.
Emotional Intimacy: Partners are able to connect on a deep, emotional level and feel comfortable being vulnerable with each other. Partners who are emotionally intimate can communicate their needs and feelings effectively, are comfortable sharing vulnerable parts of themselves with their partner, and make an effort to understand their partner’s emotional needs.
Introspection: Partners are introspective about their own childhood and how it impacts their relationships today.
Flexibility and Adaptability: Partners are able to adapt and grow, while also maintaining the health and stability of their relationship.
Shared Values and Goals: Partners have similar life perspectives and aspirations that align with each other’s vision for their future.
Trust and Dependability: Partners trust each other and feel confident in their ability to rely on each other in times of need.
Fun and Playfulness: Partners prioritize having fun and enjoying each other’s company, even in the midst of challenging situations.
Respect for You as an Individual and Partner: Partners respect the time each other spends with friends and family members, or pursuing hobbies and passion projects. They value one another’s happiness outside of the relationship.
Empathy: Partners are able to empathize with each other and understand each other’s feelings. They are supportive during difficult times and celebrate each other’s successes.
Growth Mindset: Partners are committed to personal growth and development. They are open to learning and trying new things, and they encourage each other to become the best version of themselves.
Active Listening: Partners actively listen to each other without interrupting or trying to fix the other person’s problems. They show empathy and validate their partner’s feelings.
Equal Distribution of Emotional Labor: Partners share emotional labor, which refers to the invisible work that goes into maintaining a relationship, such as remembering important dates, initiating conversations, and planning activities. When partners share this labor, it shows a sense of equality and care for the relationship.
Gratitude and Appreciation: Partners who regularly express gratitude and appreciation toward each other, even for small things, are more likely to have a positive and fulfilling relationship.
Healthy Disagreements: Partners can have disagreements without resorting to verbal abuse or disrespect. Instead, they engage in healthy conflict resolution and try to understand each other’s point of view.
Supportive Communication: Partners who communicate in a supportive and non-judgmental way can help each other through tough times and celebrate each other’s achievements.
This is not an exhaustive list of green flags, but it serves as a guide for finding a healthy and supportive relationship after a toxic one. Being mindful of these positive indicators helps us make more informed choices about the health of our relationships, and take steps to nurture and strengthen them.
By accepting these green flags, we are committing to rejecting the bare minimum. But it’s important to remember that the opposite of bare minimum is not perfection; it’s conscious love.
An important note: embodying green flags doesn’t mean being a doormat or sacrificing our own needs. It’s about striking a balance, setting boundaries, and ensuring that our own needs are met in the relationship. When both partners embody green flags, it creates a supportive, loving, and positive dynamic where both can thrive.
This is a commitment to ourselves and our relationships to embody those green flags we want to see more of. It takes effort, but the results are well worth it. A happy and healthy relationship is possible, and it starts with each of us taking responsibility for our own actions and embodying the positive qualities we want to experience.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GREEN FLAGS AND CORE VALUEs
As we embrace these positive behaviors in our relationships, we step right into the realm of conscious love. It’s a solid, safe space where both partners can truly be themselves, grow, and find support in each other. It’s straightforward, genuine, and exactly the kind of connection that makes you feel at home, no matter where you are.
Now, think about the strong foundations of this heartfelt home. Here, we’re talking about core values—the really big, deeply held beliefs that guide how you both show up in the relationship, and in life in general, which we covered in Part 1. Think honesty, deep respect, genuine empathy, and a real commitment to each other. Imagine one person deeply values honesty; this creates a transparent atmosphere where trust just blossoms. Core values are like the sturdy walls and beams of our emotional home, keeping everything stable and secure, no matter what.
Additionally, we’ve got green flags. These moments are like the cozy throw blankets and charming photos you scatter around, making your space feel inviting and full of warmth. These lovely, joyful touches make the journey of being together just that much sweeter. Picture thoughtful gestures, quality time spent laughing together, and those heart-to-heart talks that go on into the wee hours.
Now, let’s add a layer to this. Consider a core value like open and healthy communication—it’s fundamental, right? It’s like deciding to use the strongest, most durable materials to build your home. A green flag corresponding to this value would look like your partner actively listening when you speak, even when the topic is a tricky one. They don’t brush off your concerns or make light of them; instead, they validate your feelings and work with you to find a solution. This green flag is like adding a beautiful bay window to your well-built home, creating a space filled with light and providing a view to understand each other better.
Now, let’s bring it back to the heart of the matter: conscious love. This is all about both partners really leaning in, actively building and tending to this sanctuary of love and understanding. It’s about being present, open, and willing to grow together.
Choosing conscious love means you’re both all in, committed to keeping those walls strong with shared values, while also relishing in the joy of adding those lovely, personal touches of green flags.
It’s about creating a space where both hearts have room to breathe, heal, and simply be. A space where you can find yourselves, find each other, and build a home together in the truest sense. It’s a journey filled with warmth, insight, and a whole lot of love—and honestly, it’s the best kind of journey there is.
RECLAIMING OUR POWER THROUGH INNER WORk
