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Chapter 1Caz
Iremember when my life was something to be jealous of. I had what everyone wanted: a gorgeous loft, a perfect job, and a dream partner. But it was funny how much could change in ten years, especially your perspective.
After graduating college, I landed a position with KRG, a satellite radio service, where I became an interactive podcaster. Allowing my audience to decide what activities I participated in was all fun and games when I was still in my twenties, but now that I was pushing my mid-thirties, it didn’t hold the same appeal. As I grew older, my desire to tempt death lessened and practicality took its place. That was true for more than just work.
Ten years ago, my condo was perfect because it was cozy, super trendy, and located in the epicenter of downtown. Now, it seemed cramped, overpriced, and entirely too noisy. But it wasn’t just my living situation that I had outgrown. My definition of love also transformed—pretty words meant nothing if they weren’t followed by actions.
Davia and I were together when I first started making a name for myself, and I believed she was my ride-or-die. She pushed me to do more, be more, and want more. But that was all so that she could have more. I was a pawn in her game and blinded by the chaos surrounding me that I never stopped to question anything—like, where was all my money going? Had it stopped at a monetary loss, I could have handled it, but it didn’t. There was emotional manipulation on top of constant deceit, which left me feeling drained and betrayed.
I had spent so much time believing a lie that I now questioned everything and everyone around me. At thirty-four, I thought I would be on top of the world, but that was an illusion I had tricked myself into believing. And now I was paying for it with no savings or transferrable job skills, and heartbreakingly alone. Wow, I was three chords away from a country song.
“Caz, are you ready for your segment?” Matrix, my producer and friend, barked loudly.
I gave him a thumbs-up as I put on my headphones. Today was an audience vote day, and I had to do my best to sound enthusiastic when, in reality, I wanted to crawl under my duvet until I could wake up from this nightmare. I was tired of putting my destiny in the hands of others, but this was my only option, and I would suck it up and do my job.
“Good afternoon, you sexy people. It’s Caz Montgomery, and this is My Unscripted Life. It’s time to pick my next adventure, and you’re in charge. Last week, you had me exploring a haunted prison outside the city. I gotta admit, that was something nightmares were made of. I can handle a scary movie. But sitting in a gas chamber seat where actual death row inmates were executed gave me chills I felt long after leaving the room and made me wonder if a ghost had inhabited my body. So… maybe this week, you can be a little nicer?” I chuckled, but I wasn’t kidding.
I answered the first caller to see if they would heed my advice.
“Hey, Caz. I’m… Shorty,” a feminine voice breathed out.
“Hello, Shorty. What do you want to include in the voting list?” I bit my lower lip, awaiting my fate.
“Well, first, I want to say I watched last week, and you were so brave!” Her voice sounded fan-girlish, but I was used to that. Then I heard a loud crackling noise through the receiver, followed by what sounded like a muffled, “Don’t eat all the cheese poofs.”
“Is everything okay?” I figured I better move this conversation along.
“Yeah, all good. So, as I was saying, you’re amazing, and I love the show.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your support. So, what do you have for me now?” I kept it professional and never flirted with my callers because I didn’t get my clams from the company ocean.
“Actually, I was wondering if you could give me some advice.” That was new, but I’d go with it.
“Well, I have to preface that I’m not a qualified counselor or anything, but I’m more than happy to help if I can. What do you have for me?” I was probably the last person to offer life pointers, but maybe it was something I did on the show before.
“How do you get someone to fall in love with you?”
I nearly choked on my spit. What the actual fuck? Why would she think I knew that answer? Love had never found me, and I wouldn’t look for it, either.
“I don’t think you get someone to fall in love with you. They just do.” That sounded logical and generic enough that I couldn’t get sued.
“Okay. But there is a person I’m head over heels for, and they don’t know I’m alive. I want to talk to them, but I’m too nervous. What should I do?” She wasn’t giving up.
“Ask them out?” I hesitated and replied in a questioning manner.
“I don’t know how to do that.” Well, I wouldn’t be doing it for her, that was for sure.
“Just follow your heart, and you can’t go wrong. Thanks for calling!” I hung up before she could ask something else I couldn’t answer.
“Hey, hey. You’re on with Caz. Who am I speaking to?” I picked up the next caller, ready to seal my fate.
“I’m De… Debby and I have the best idea for you.” She sounded far too eager for me to believe her.
“Oh?”
“Yeah! I think you should help Shorty find love.” As soon as her words were out there, the caller board lit up like a Christmas tree.
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. This was a disaster. There was no way I would agree to this. But when I looked into the control room at Matrix, he was nodding while holding a piece of paper, saying, “YES!”
“Umm, can I put you on hold a second, Debby?” I hit mute before rushing toward the window Matrix was safely standing behind. “Have you lost your mind? I’m not adding that asinine idea to the list. I don’t give a rat’s fuck about love. And I sure as hell can’t help someone find it!” My voice was enraged, and I could see his brow furrowing as he frantically scribbled something on the paper.
“Will you stop fart assing around and send me someone with a good idea? I can only keep them waiting for so long.” I banged on the glass before I saw what he had written.
“YOU’RE STILL ON THE AIR!”
I darted back to my seat and flung on my headset. “Hey, Debby. Did you hear that practical joke I played? Pretending I didn’t like your idea.” I held my breath, hoping she would buy that, but I knew it was a flimsy excuse.
“Okay. But I still think you should be Cupid’s sidekick for Shorty.”
There was no getting around this. I stuck my foot in it, and now I had to live with the smell of shit.
“That sounds awesome. I’ll add it to the list and see what gets voted on. Thanks for calling.”
I moved on to the next request, and what a surprise—another for me being a love launcher. Having spoken to six other audience members, all of whom expressed identical opinions, I had no option but to resign myself to what lay ahead. My only hope now was that Shorty wouldn’t be interested in my services. But when the show ended, I headed into the back room with Matrix, who had all the details I needed to start my next mission.
“Wow. You’re lucky no one complained about that little tizzy you threw.”
