Iwoke up, and my eyes felt strained as if they hadn't fully rested. Tiredness persisted, even though I thought I had been sleeping. I rolled over, and the bitchy sun was shining low but bright. What time was it? It didn’t appear to be the morning glare.

I tried to recall the last thing I remembered, and a wave of disgust rolled through my body when Davia popped into my head. That was right. She was trying to convince me that she had changed and was a better person. Why did it matter? I didn’t care if she was Mother Teresa. What she did in the past would still make me see the devil in her.

I reached for my phone on my nightstand, but it wasn’t there. My brain felt like it was swimming through mud, and my body was heavy. This wasn’t like any hangover I’d ever had. I stretched my arms above my head, preparing to get up, but couldn’t find the strength. So I burrowed under the covers and let the darkness take me once again.

Chapter 26Shiloh

After leaving Sonya’s, I thought about going to Caz’s, but I didn’t want to pop in without getting the green light. So I figured the best thing to do was head home and see if Ember called. However, when I got out of my car, I went to open my phone, but my passcode didn’t work.

“Whyyyy?” This day hated me, and the feeling was mutual. But after closer inspection, I realized this wasn’t my phone. “Sonya, you dumb-dumb.” I hopped back in the car to return from where I had come, but my mind must have been on autopilot because the next thing I knew, I was sitting outside Java Jive.

It was scary when you arrived somewhere but had no idea how you got there. Road hypnosis was a real thing. I thought about turning around and heading to my original destination, but maybe ending up here was fate. Before exiting the car, I glanced in the mirror to say my mantra: I don’t need to hide. I am the light.

I finally got out, but everything was different. The birds’ harmonious melody was louder and longer—clearer. The air was thick with the smell of roasted coffee, its dark-chocolate scent overpowering even from a distance. It was such an intense sensation that I could almost taste it on my tongue.

When I walked inside, I saw Ember clocking out.

“Hey! I didn’t expect to see you, but dayumm!” She took my hand, spinning me around, but it seemed like it was in slow motion. “You dress up nice.” She seemed genuinely happy to see me, so maybe she wasn’t blowing me off earlier.

“You always look good enough to eat.” With a sheepish expression, I covered my mouth. “I’m sorry. I have food on the brain.”

She chuckled and hooked her arm through mine. “Why don’t we grab something to eat, then? I just got off, and I’m starving.”

I had worked myself up so much earlier for nothing. This was easy. “Sounds good. Where to?” I motioned for her to go first, and she gracefully slid out the door. But with my slow reflexes and her carelessness, it slammed into my face, catching my foot underneath it. “Holy hell.” I tried to jump back on my good foot, but my toes were stuck, and my coordination was off, causing me to bust ass inside the shop.

While everyone else stopped to take notice, Ember remained blissfully unaware as she continued on her merry way. I got up as gracefully as I could, which was not at all, and leaned against the glass while trying to wiggle my toes. My entire foot was aching, but I had no way of knowing how bad the damage was without examining it. Given the level of pain, it wouldn’t surprise me if something was broken.

“Are you okay?” a patron standing next to me asked while trying to hide his huge smirk.

“I’m perfect. Thanks, asshole,” I mumbled that last part as I limped outside, but it made me feel better saying it, even if he couldn’t hear me.

“Hey, you. Whatcha doin’?” Ember turned around to see that I was way behind her.

“Just stopped to talk to someone for a minute. Be right there.” I hated lying, but if she knew how clumsy and uncool I was, she probably would end the date before it started.

“Well, get up here. You’re not supposed to talk to anyone but me.” She giggled, but her eyes made it seem more of a threat.

Was she possessive over me? Or did that mean I wasn’t giving her enough attention? I did my best to keep my gait steady, but I couldn’t bear weight equally.

“Why are you like a Weeble Wobble?”

“I’m a little stiff. I’ll be okay if I walk it off.” The thought of standing any longer made me wince, but then I realized it was my right foot, and I wasn’t sure if I could even drive.

“Okay, well. I ordered us food.” Her concern had passed. “It was $42.39. I’ll send you a Venmo request. What’s your phone number?”

Between the throbbing ache and the sluggishness throughout, my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. Was that the total for both of us, my half, or was I to pay it all? Didn’t she have my number? I rattled it off before remembering I didn’t have my phone.

“My phone is at my cousin’s house. Do you mind if we stop there first, and then we can pick up the food?” When I got to my car, I unlocked the doors and sat down, relieving some of the pressure.

“Umm, do we have to? Baby gets hangry. Could you do it after, when you’re alone?”

Was she baby? And I guess she had no intention of this being anything other than an eat-and-run thing.

“Of course. Just let me look at my toes, and we can go.”

“Your toes? That’s gross. If you take your shoe off, I’m likely to get sick. Baby has a weak stomach.” She covered her mouth like she was holding back nausea.

“Right. It can wait.” I gritted my teeth, hoping it would give me something else to focus on besides my agony.

She got in the passenger seat, and I started the car. The first thing she did was change the radio station and crank it up, but the pounding of blood in my ears made it impossible for me to hear anything anyway. I pressed the pedal as lightly as possible and prayed I wouldn’t have to slam on my brakes.

“Where are we going?” I shouted over the thumping bass.

“Rib Shack.”

Was this a joke? Maybe I was dreaming. This conversation gave me deja vu. I’d lived this before, right?

I lowered the music, allowing me to think—sort of. “Did you say Rib Shack?”

“Yeah, it’s my favorite. I ordered us both a full rack with pit beans and bacon.”

My anxiety was rising, my head was floating, and my foot was pulsating. Something had to give. I pulled over to the side of the road, hastily opened the door, and immediately felt the bile rise in my throat. As I purged the contents of my stomach, it felt like I was cleansing my soul. I took a deep breath of fresh air and settled back into my seat to look for something to wipe my mouth.

When I made eye contact with Ember, she had a look of disgust on her face. “Oh my god. Baby’s going to be sick, too.” As she leaned out her window, the unpleasant sound of retching once again filled the air.

She wasn’t lying when she said she had a weak stomach. As she brought her head back inside, she stared at me sheepishly.

“Sorry, that went down the side of the door.” With a casual shrug, she grabbed the napkin I was offering her.

I didn’t say a word as I drove off. The pain still flowed through my body, but at least I was less woozy.

When I arrived at Rib Shack, I parked the car and turned toward her. “Do you want to run in and get it? I’m not feeling great.”

“Really? Baby isn’t either. And if I open the door and see the vomit, I might get sick again.” She pouted, which I used to think was endearing, but now it just grated on my nerves.

But I wasn’t arguing because the quicker I got out of here, the quicker this date could be over.

“Fine.” My voice was tight, and I shuddered as I stood, trying to keep the pressure off my right foot.

As I hobbled into the place, I waited in line for my order, wondering why I hadn’t listened to myself and Sonya when we both thought this would be a bad idea. And then my mind drifted back to Caz, imagining how everything would be different if she were here. She would never have let the door slam on me, and if she did, she probably would have picked me up and hero-carried me to the car.

Even though Caz tried to come off as a hardass, she was one of the kindest souls I’d ever met. She stood up for the little people like me and gave us a voice. She made me see myself from a different perspective—a better one. And when I was with her, I liked who I was. I didn’t have to put on a show or try to be cool. She knew who I was, accepted me for me, and liked me for me.

Oh my god. How had I not seen this before?

Ember wasn’t my dream woman—Caz was.

Chapter 27Caz