how often they felt lonely: Davy Vancampfort et al., “Leisure-Time Sedentary Behavior and Loneliness among 148,045 Adolescents Aged 12–15 Years from 52 Low- and Middle-Income Countries,” Journal of Affective Disorders 251 (2019): 149–55.
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questions about the future: When I left my job working on the New York Stock Exchange floor and switched careers from finance to psychology, I started as an unpaid research assistant for Dr. Arthur Aron at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. Art began iterating on a new method for creating intimacy among strangers within forty-five minutes or less. That work led to this highly cited research article: Arthur Aron et al., “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 23, no. 4 (1997): 363–77. I used this method in my own research (including my master’s thesis): Todd B. Kashdan and John E. Roberts, “Social Anxiety’s Impact on Affect, Curiosity, and Social Self-Efficacy during a High Self-Focus Social Threat Situation,” Cognitive Therapy and Research 28, no. 1 (2004): 119–41. Some of the questions presented in the text are variants from this research. Read these scientific articles for the full list of original questions.
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interrupting with curious comments: For a fantastic compendium of powerful questions, see Michael Bungay Stanier, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way You Lead Forever (Toronto, Can.: Box of Crayons Press, 2016).
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break out and do their own thing: However, there is other research evidence for a paradoxical approach where thinking about how similar they are to other people introduces a mindset to strive to end this and become more original. See Kimberly Rios and Zhuoren Chen, “Experimental Evidence for Minorities’ Hesitancy in Reporting Their Opinions: The Roles of Optimal Distinctiveness Needs and Normative Influence,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 40, no. 7 (2014): 872–83.
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noticeable gestures of deviance: Michael Lynn and Charles Snyder, “Uniqueness Seeking,” in Handbook of Positive Psychology, ed. Charles. R. Snyder and Shane J. Lopez (London: Oxford University Press, 2002), 395–410.
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red Converse sneakers: Silvia Bellezza, Francesca Gino, and Anat Keinan, “The Red Sneakers Effect: Inferring Status and Competence from Signals of Nonconformity,” Journal of Consumer Research 41, no. 1 (2014): 35–54.
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“you are their hero”: Nichelle Nichols, “A Conversation with Nichelle Nichols,” interview by Neil deGrasse Tyson, StarTalk podcast, July 11, 2011, https://www.startalkradio.net/show/a-conversation-with-nichelle-nichols/.
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CHAPTER 6: BUILD MENTAL FORTITUDE
a standardized rape kit: Along with six women, Kilpatrick in 1974 established the first rape crisis center in the state of South Carolina. Dean Kilpatrick, personal communication with author, May 2020.
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The advantage of a rape kit: World Health Organization, “3. Service Provision for Victims of Sexual Violence,” in Guidelines for Medio-Legal Care for Victims of Sexual Violence (2003), https://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/resources/publications/en/guidelines_chap3.pdf.
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“conviction of rapists in Illinois”: Betty Greudenheim, “Chicago Hospitals Are Using New Kit to Help Rape Victims Collect Evidence,” New York Times, December 2, 1978, https://www.nytimes.com/1978/12/02/archives/chicago-hospitals-are-using-new-kit-to-help-rape-victims-collect.html.
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“But Playboy?”: Marty Goddard, “Marty Goddard Interview Transcript,” interview by Anne Seymour, An Oral History of the Crime Victim Assistance Field, University of Akron, February 26, 2003.
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preserving DNA that officers: Jay D. Aronson, Genetic Witness: Science, Law and Controversy in the Making of DNA Profiling (Piscataway, NJ: Rutgers University Press, 2007); Patricia Yancey Martin et al., “Controversies Surrounding the Rape Kit Exam in the 1980s: Issues and Alternatives,” Crime and Delinquency 31, no. 2 (1985): 223–46.
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identify suspects and support a criminal prosecution: Dean Kilpatrick, personal communication.
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fewer than a quarter of survivors: Lisa Anderson, “Why Are We So Bad at Prosecuting Sexual Assault?,” Dallas Morning News, September 15, 2019, https://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/commentary/2019/09/15/why-are-we-so-bad-at-prosecuting-sexual-assault/.
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even judges defended rape: Shirley Feldman-Summers and Gayle C. Palmer, “Rape as Viewed by Judges, Prosecutors, and Police Officers,” Criminal Justice and Behavior 7, no. 1 (1980): 19–40.
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trying to reduce distress can causemoresuffering: Steven C. Hayes et al., “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, Processes and Outcomes,” Behaviour Research and Therapy 44, no. 1 (2006): 1–25; Steven C. Hayes, Kirk D. Strosahl, and Kelly G. Wilson, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change, 2nd ed. (New York: Guilford Press, 2011); Steven C. Hayes et al., “Experiential Avoidance and Behavioral Disorders: A Functional Dimensional Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 64, no. 6 (1996): 1152–68.
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what scientists call “psychological flexibility”: Todd B. Kashdan and Jonathan Rottenberg, “Psychological Flexibility as a Fundamental Aspect of Health,” Clinical Psychology Review 30, no. 7 (2010): 865–78.
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A powerful tool . . . the Psychological Flexibility Dashboard: This is a variant of what my colleagues built. A few of my colleagues created the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Matrix: Kevin L. Polk et al., The Essential Guide to the ACT Matrix: A Step-by-Step Approach to Using the ACT Matrix Model in Clinical Practice (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2016); Kevin L. Polk and Benjamin Schoendorff, The ACT Matrix: A New Approach to Building Psychological Flexibility across Settings and Populations (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2014). Other colleagues built the Choice Point Framework: Joseph Ciarrochi et al., “Measures That Make a Difference: A Functional Contextualistic Approach to Optimizing Psychological Measurement in Clinical Research and Practice,” in The Wiley Handbook of Contextual Behavioral Science, ed. Robert D. Zettle et al. (Chichester, UK: Wiley, 2016), 320–46; Russ Harris, ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2019). My colleagues created these models for therapists and health professionals. My goal is to describe this model for the everyday person to use on their own.
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Clarity about your mission: Yoona Kang et al., “Purpose in Life and Conflict-Related Neural Responses during Health Decision-Making,” Health Psychology 38, no. 6 (2019): 545–52; Patrick E. McKnight and Todd B. Kashdan, “Purpose in Life as a System That Creates and Sustains Health and Well-Being: An Integrative, Testable Theory,” Review of General Psychology 13, no. 3 (2009): 242–51.
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reacted less to the number of “likes”: Anthony L. Burrow and Nicolette Rainone, “How Many Likes Did I Get?: Purpose Moderates Links between Positive Social Media Feedback and Self-Esteem,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 69 (2017): 232–36.
