Spellbound: Amy Crawford, “Thirteen Years Later, Did Spellbound Show Us the Power or the Myth of the American Dream?,” Smithsonian Magazine, May 28, 2015, https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/thirteen-years-later-did-spellbound-show-us-power-or-myth-american-dream-180955434/.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
Searching for Sugar Man: Terrence McCoy, “The Incredible Story Behind ‘Searching for Sugar Man,’ ” Washington Post, May 14, 2014, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/05/14/the-incredible-story-behind-searching-for-sugar-man/.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
strengthen the self is through relationships: Arthur Aron, Elaine N. Aron, and Christina Norman, “Self-Expansion Model of Motivation and Cognition in Close Relationships and Beyond,” in Blackwell Handbook of Social Psychology Interpersonal Processes, ed. Garth J. O. Fletcher and Margaret S. Clark (Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishers, 2001), 478–501.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
the concept of “emotionships”: Elaine O. Cheung, Wendi L. Gardner, and Jason F. Anderson, “Emotionships: Examining People’s Emotion-Regulation Relationships and Their Consequences for Well-Being,” Social Psychological and Personality Science 6, no. 4 (2015): 407–14.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
calls “net positive energizers”: Kim S. Cameron, Positive Leadership: Strategies for Extraordinary Performance (San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler, 2008); Bradley P. Owens et al., “Relational Energy at Work: Implications for Job Engagement and Job Performance,” Journal of Applied Psychology 101, no. 1 (2016): 35–49.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
select dissimilar over similar partners: Arthur Aron et al., “When Similars Do Not Attract: Tests of a Prediction from the Self-Expansion Model,” Personal Relationships 13, no. 4 (2006): 387–96.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
taking it personally: Todd B. Kashdan, Justin W. Weeks, and Antonina A. Savostyanova, “Whether, How, and When Social Anxiety Shapes Positive Experiences and Events: A Self-Regulatory Framework and Treatment Implications,” Clinical Psychology Review 31, no. 5 (2011): 786–99; David A. Moscovitch, “What Is the Core Fear in Social Phobia? A New Model to Facilitate Individualized Case Conceptualization and Treatment,” Cognitive and Behavioral Practice 16, no. 2 (2009): 123–34.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
a motivational push: Researchers found that after contemplating a self-expansion message (compared with seeking stability), White adults actively sought out interactions with people of a different race as opposed to their own. The practical implications are clear. Being around people who do not share our values, skills, and perspective can be fraught with tension and difficulty, and yet, by leaving the safety and security of our in-group, we grow more rapidly, with broader horizons. Shifting away from the pull of safe, familiar circles can be boosted by five minutes of reflection on why self-expansion is beneficial. See Odilia Dys-Steenbergen, Stephen C. Wright, and Arthur Aron, “Self-Expansion Motivation Improves Cross-Group Interactions and Enhances Self-Growth,” Group Processes and Intergroup Relations 19, no. 1 (2016): 60–71; Stefania Paolini et al., “Self-Expansion and Intergroup Contact: Expectancies and Motives to Self-Expand Lead to Greater Interest in Outgroup Contact and More Positive Intergroup Relations,” Journal of Social Issues 72, no. 3 (2016): 450–71.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
People will find you far more likable: Mitch Prinstein, Popular: The Power of Likability in a Status-Obsessed World (New York: Viking, 2017).
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
six fundamental features of friendship: Michael Argyle and Monika Henderson, “The Rules of Friendship,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 1, no. 2 (1984): 211–37. Although this article has received minimal attention, the rules it lays out are supported by other research. See Brooke C. Feeney and Nancy L. Collins, “A New Look at Social Support: A Theoretical Perspective on Thriving through Relationships,” Personality and Social Psychology Review 19, no. 2 (2015): 113–47; Jeffrey A. Hall, “Sex Differences in Friendship Expectations: A Meta-Analysis,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 28, no. 6 (2011): 723–47; Lukasz D. Kaczmarek et al., “Give and Take: The Role of Reciprocity in Capitalization,” Journal of Positive Psychology (2021), https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2021.1885054; Brett J. Peters, Harry T. Reis, and Shelly L. Gable, “Making the Good Even Better: A Review and Theoretical Model of Interpersonal Capitalization,” Social and Personality Psychology Compass 12, no. 7 (2018): e12407.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
hardwired to connect through pain: Lane Beckes, James A. Coan, and Karen Hasselmo, “Familiarity Promotes the Blurring of Self and Other in the Neural Representation of Threat,” Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience 8, no. 6 (2013): 670–77. For similar findings, see Sören Krach et al., “Your Flaws Are My Pain: Linking Empathy to Vicarious Embarrassment,” PloS One 6, no. 4 (2011): e18675.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
found that trust emerges as weshareadversity: Simone McKnight, Patrick E. McKnight, Todd B. Kashdan, L. Alexander, E. J. de Visser, and James A. Coan, “The Psychology of Trust: A Review and Reconceptualization,” manuscript in preparation.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
cooperate more with one another: Brock Bastian, Jolanda Jetten, and Laura J. Ferris, “Pain as Social Glue: Shared Pain Increases Cooperation,” Psychological Science 25, no. 11 (2014): 2079–85.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
endure pain together: Brock Bastian et al., “Shared Adversity Increases Team Creativity through Fostering Supportive Interaction,” Frontiers in Psychology 9 (2018), https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02309.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
facilitate long-term friendships: Martin P. Paulus et al., “A Neuroscience Approach to Optimizing Brain Resources for Human Performance in Extreme Environments,” Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews 33, no. 7 (2009): 1080–88.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
“transforms strangers into friends”: Alain de Botton, The School of Life: An Emotional Education (London: School of Life Press, 2019).
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
satisfy two conflicting psychological needs: Optimal distinctiveness theory addresses the competing motivations that individuals must resolve to function well in society. See Marilynn B. Brewer, “The Social Self: On Being the Same and Different at the Same Time,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 17, no. 5 (1991): 475–82; Marilynn B. Brewer, “The Role of Distinctiveness in Social Identity and Group Behaviour,” in Group Motivation: Social Psychological Perspectives, ed. Michael Hoff and Dominic Abrams (Hemel Hempstead, UK: Harvester Wheatsheaf, 1993), 1–16; Marilynn B. Brewer and Cynthia L. Pickett, “Distinctiveness Motives as a Source of the Social Self,” in The Psychology of the Social Self, ed. Tom R. Tyler, Roderick M. Kramer, and Oliver P. John (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1999), 71–87.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
dissatisfied with their social lives: Brewer and Pickett, “Distinctiveness Motives as a Source of the Social Self.”
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
zero close friends: 2019 YouGov survey of 1,254 adults. See “Friendship,” YouGov RealTime, data gathered July 3–5, 2019, https://d25d2506sfb94s.cloudfront.net/cumulus_uploads/document/m97e4vdjnu/Results%20for%20YouGov%20RealTime%20(Friendship)%20164%205.7.2019.xlsx%20%20[Group].pdf.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
In a survey of 20,096 adults: For this 2018 Cigna survey of 20,096 adults aged eighteen and over, see “New Cigna Study Reveals Loneliness at Epidemic Levels in America,” Cigna’s U.S. Loneliness Index, May 1, 2018, https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/.
GO TO NOTE REFERENCE IN TEXT
