Before either of us can say a word, however, we hear the sounds of a few brisk knocks on the door to our suite.
“I’ll get it,” I say, jumping up and hurrying to the door, thankful for a distraction from the heavy silence in the room. I pull it open, only to come face-to-face with Killian, who is standing on the other side with a playful grin on his face. He is holding a metal tray in his hands and looking like the cat that ate the canary. The tray has a white towel covering its contents, but I’m Karma Kismet, and I can smell peanut butter a mile off.
My stomach rumbles, and I know it’s calling out to the peanut butter like a long lost lover. “You know, Killian,” I say, crossing my arms playfully over my chest and smiling at him, “maybe you’re not so bad after all.”
Killian laughs. “I’m so glad I have your approval, Karma.” He nods down at the tray. “Peanut butter sandwiches, Diet Cokes, and salt and vinegar crisps. I remember you saying they are your favourite meal, and I’d like to try them with you if you want company. If not, though I can leave,” he adds hastily. He’s usually not this bashful, and it’s so cute that I don’t really know how to tell him no. Plus... I don’t actually want him to leave. It’s only as I meet his golden eyes now that I realise how much I missed him.
Mads comes over then, catching the tail end of our conversation. She gives Killian an appraising look that can only come from a girl sizing up her best friends’ romantic interest, before a sly smile spreads across her face. She clears her throat. “Killian, we haven’t officially met. I’m Mads, Karma’s bestie,” Mads says, going to hold her hand out for him to shake but realising he has his hands full. She takes in the sight of the tray he’s holding and her grin gets wider. “You brought lunch, how sweet.”
Mads winks at me, but Killian can clearly see her. Mads and I exchange a long look before turning back to Killian, who smiles at us. My eyes meet his, and I can feel my heart beat a little faster as I wonder what to say. The moment drags on until it starts to get awkward, and Killian clears his throat, breaking eye contact with me.
I don’t blame him; there is so much unsaid between us since we kissed, his fight with Storm and…well, I could make a long list. We haven’t gotten a chance to really talk about where my head is at since I saw Mum’s memories, and he has the uncanny ability to hide whatever he’s thinking behind a sardonic mask.
I just know I’m tired of finding out truths I don’t want to know.
“Oh,” Killian says, realising that Mads is waiting for a response. His cheeks flush a little as he glances down at the tray. “I didn’t bring lunch for three, but you two can have these, if you want. I’ll get out of your hair - I could probably use some time to think.” There’s a hint of disappointment in his voice, and Mads clearly picks up on it.
“Oh gosh, no you don’t,” she says hurriedly, exchanging a quick look with me. “I was actually, ah… just about to go see Pey, believe it or not. Totally forgot until just now, actually. I’ll, uh… go try to find him. We’ll go for a walk or something. You two can just chill here in the meantime.” Killian steps aside to let her pass, and she shuffles around him and starts to head back out into the hallway. At the last second, she pauses and looks back. “There is even Netflix on the TV,” she adds slyly, making me roll my eyes. After a little wink, she saunters off, and I have to resist the urge to throw my shoe at her. Netflix and chill? Really subtle, Mads.
I turn back to Killian, clearing my throat. “Come in,” I say, holding the door open. Killian walks in, going straight for the large grey sofa and placing the tray on the coffee table as I shut the door behind him. There’s a moment of silence as I turn back around to face him, each of us wanting to speak but unsure what to say. Finally he swallows.
“How are you?” Killian asks slowly as I come over and sit next to him. The question is sincere, but there’s a look on his face like he doesn’t want to put pressure on me to unload if I don’t want to. I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am for that, and I feel a heat in the pit of my stomach as I watch him put on a deliberately nonchalant expression. Killian pulls the towel off the food and starts undoing the foil the sandwiches are wrapped in as I open my mouth to reply.
“A shower helped clear my head a bit, but it’s still a lot to process,” I admit, watching as he gets all the foil off the food and hands me a plate. My eyes close as I take a big bite of the sandwich, the crunchy peanut butter tasting amazing. Gods, I had no idea how hungry I was until just now. I devour the sandwich, aware that I’m not exactly looking ladylike right now, but hardly caring. Killian watches me eat with an amused half-smile, taking an experimental bite of his own sandwich. “Well?” I ask as he chews. “Verdict?”
“Good,” he says, nodding and swallowing hard. “Really good.” His brow is furrowed, but he has a determined smile on his face, like he doesn’t want to disappoint me.
I laugh as I continue to wolf down my food. After I finish, Killian hands me a tall glass of Coke that he has poured. I slowly drink it as he works on his own sandwich, and I can tell from his expressions alone that he isn’t a huge fan of peanut butter. It’s honestly endearing that he is eating it for me. I wait until he has finished before I say anything more, enjoying the silence between us. It’s odd how easily I can lapse into these moments around Killian - as if we’ve known each other all our lives. “Thank you for this,” I tell him earnestly. “Seriously. Home comforts and you with me are just what I needed, and I didn’t even know it.”
“I didn’t want to leave you alone, not after everything,” Killian replies. “And… Well, let’s just say I hoped the sandwiches would at least get me through the door,” he adds with a cheeky grin. My heart flutters nervously once more as I watch him run a self-conscious hand through his golden locks. I tentatively place the Coke down on the table and move a little closer to him. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little anxious as I place my hand on his, but he soon links our fingers together.
“You don’t need sandwiches to come and see me. I always want to see you, Killian,” I tell him, because he needs to know.
When he kissed me, for a brief second, it felt perfect. It felt like I’d been waiting a long time to kiss Killian Justice. I can still nearly feel the sensation of his lips on mine, the heat that crackled between us, like a fire was starting that couldn’t ever be put out. I don’t want to lose what is growing between us, but I know it’s more than complicated when Storm is added into the mix. That said, I don’t want to lose what is between me and Storm either. My emotions have been on a rollercoaster ride lately, and I feel like every time I have my mind straight, something else comes up that makes me question anything. I can’t say if it’s the danger that’s brought us all closer together, or if the chemistry between us is just that strong, but it doesn’t matter: what I feel for these men is real, and as selfish as it might seem, I’m not ready to give it up.
A thoughtful look appears on Killian’s face, and I can see that he has something on his mind. “Can I tell you something? I don’t want you to say anything back, not yet, I just need you to know,” he asks me, and I can tell he is serious.
“Sure,” I reply, my heart beating a little faster.
“I know you love Storm; whether you guys have admitted that to each other or not, it doesn’t matter,” he says slowly. My eyes go wide as he says this, hardly daring to believe him… but some part of me, deep down, does. “I know there is something between you and Seth, too,” he continues, not giving me a chance to reply. The conviction in his voice when he says this is astonishing, especially considering how much Seth and I have butted heads. As if he’s reading my mind, he adds, “I know you guys haven’t admitted that one to each other yet, but you will. I know my brother, Karma, and I know you.” He clears his throat, putting his hands in his lap and steeling himself before he goes on. “When it comes to me and you, I’m telling you I want to be with you, too,” he says, “even if you need to be with them, too. It’s not going to be simple for us all, but I’ve never wanted to fight for anyone or anything the way I will fight for us, Karma.”
At last, he stops talking, the implications of his words hanging between us. Is he suggesting what I think he is? Is he saying that it wouldn’t bother him if I was with Storm - or hell, even Seth - as well as him? It’s not a possibility I’ve ever considered before, but now that it’s been said, there’s no undoing it.
I’m just so feckin’ glad he told me not to say anything back. How do you ever reply to that?
Instead of replying, I move closer and climb onto his lap. He goes to speak, but I kiss him instead. A pure male groan escapes his lips as my lips battle against his, softly exploring. His hands slide onto my waist, tugging me closer onto his lap so I’m pressed against him. I gasp as he moves his lips down my jawline and to my neck, and his hands run over my breasts, over my shirt. The brief contact makes me inhale in pleasure and realise how much I want more. Like Killian can read my thoughts, he undoes my jeans as he kisses me before sliding his hand into my jeans and cupping me. His other hand holds the back of my neck as he pushes my panties to the side, and his thumb starts circling my clit. He slowly slides a finger into me at the same time, and I moan as seconds later I come, crying out his name.
“Sorry, it’s been a long feckin’ time,” I whisper, my cheeks bright red and burning. I almost chuckle at how quickly he managed to make me come. It was embarrassingly fast. Killian pulls his hand out, a soft chuckle leaving his lips as he wraps his arms around me, and I rest my head on his chest.
“Don’t be sorry. That was beautiful,” Killian murmurs, as he starts softly rubbing circles on the base of my back.
“We can do more—”
“No, you’re tired, and it’s been a crazy day. I just wanted to take some of the stress from you,” he whispers to me.
“Thank you,” I whisper back. Before I know it, I’m yawning and my eyes are drooping shut. Killian holds me as I fall asleep, and I know deep down I love him a little more for this.
Chapter 40
“I hoped they would give us a day at least—” I hear Storm say to Seth as they walk into the apartment, where I’m eating breakfast with Mads and Killian. The three of us are sitting silently at the kitchen table, enjoying each other’s company as we tuck into our food. If we weren’t being held here against our will, I might even mistake it for a vacation, with the sparkling waves outside our window and the faint sound of seabirds in the distance.
I look up when the two other men close the door behind them, pausing on the threshold and taking in the sight of Killian, Mads, and me. They seem to be debating something.
Storm’s hair is braided in a complicated way that I get to see when he turns his back to me so he can look at Seth. If he has picked up on any strangeness in my dynamic with Killian, he hasn’t said anything. The braid looks almost like the number eight, and it falls right down to his waist, pausing just above the hem of his tight black jeans, which definitely suit his firm ass. How the hell he managed to get his hair into such an intricate style, I’ll never know; I can barely manage a plait without giving up altogether.
Seth seems to notice us then, and his voice trails off as he looks around Storm. Storm turns back around to take in the sight of the three of us, crossing his arms and meeting my eyes for a moment.
“Morning,” Killian says, his voice almost uncharacteristically cheery today - although I suppose sex will do that to a guy. Better that than having him act all surly since he didn’t get off last night, like some of my past lovers have been prone to do.
I woke up on the sofa before the sun had fully risen this morning. My arms were wrapped around him, and he was fast asleep as well, no doubt as exhausted from the past few days as I am. Someone - I’m guessing Mads - placed a blanket over us at some point during the night so we wouldn’t have to move, although I’m a little surprised we managed to stay so comfortable on a couch. Not that I’m complaining, or anything - at least on the sofa we have plausible deniability, which wouldn’t be the case if someone walked in on the two of us together in bed. At any rate, it was a really good night’s sleep, and what’s more, I liked waking up with KIllian. The feeling of his lean arms around me was comforting, and for a while I just lay there, listening to the sounds of his breathing and feeling safe for the first time since I arrived here. I still haven’t forgotten our conversation from earlier, and I would be lying if I said his proposition hadn’t crossed my mind a few times this morning… but I had to put it out of my head once the day started. There’s only so much fantasizing a girl can take.
Killian ended up waking up not long after I did, and even volunteered to go find us breakfast, an offer I eagerly accepted before hopping in the shower. By the time I was done, he had already come back with an impressive spread, considering our circumstances: peanut butter on toast with strawberries and blackberries, along with an assortment of butters and jams. He must have noticed that I have a soft spot for berries - more so than other fruits - when we were in prison together. I love that he took the time to notice the little things - when was the last time a guy I’ve been with has actually cared about my preferences, and not just as a way of getting in my pants? I can’t remember if there even was a last time.
The observations go both ways, by the way. I’ve always been of the opinion that the kinds of foods a person likes to eat can tell you a lot about their personality. For example. I’ve seen that Killian prefers sweet potatoes and sweet corn, which I’m sure means he has a bit of a sweet tooth. How he manages to keep the sculpted muscles and the six pack when he eats a lot of sweets, though, I have no idea. It’s not fair - I’m aware that I would look a lot better if I could kick the peanut butter habit, which is no doubt responsible for my hips and thighs. At least now I have the excuse of practically being starved the entire time I was in prison though… although that still doesn’t mean I can eat whatever I want.
I wipe my hands on a napkin and push my chair out from the table a little, looking up at the newcomers. “What are you talking about?” I ask, meeting Storm’s eyes as he comes to stand between the stools where Killian and I are sitting. “Who should have given you a day?”
