“...I know.”
Without adding a word, he climbed the stairs of the castle, taking her through the maze of corridors. She didn’t know where they were going, but she quickly realized it wasn’t the Cerulean Suite. After a while, some servants stepped aside to open a door.
“No one is allowed to enter,” he hissed.
The doors were closed behind them, and Cessilia tried to look around.
It was a small room, with a large chimney, a simple canopy bed with heavy curtains, a large fur rug, and a couple of seats. The only decorations were the few draperies on the walls, and the large blade hung next to them, similar to the one Ashen carried. Someone had already lit a fire in the room, and despite the rain blowing against the window, it was quite warm in there.
Ashen gently carried her to one of the large leather seats, putting Cessilia down as carefully as he could. To her surprise, he simply stayed there, down on one knee, in front of her. As soon as he had put her down, it was as if he didn’t dare touch her anymore. She took off the cloak herself, feeling a bit stuffy now with the fire next to them. Ashen frowned as her injuries were uncovered again.
“...Don’t get yourself hurt again,” he muttered.
“I d-didn’t choose t-to be in this situation,” she sighed.
He remained mute for a few minutes, his fists clenched.
“I will find who did this.”
“I’ll find th-them myself,” said Cessilia. “This is m-my p-problem.”
“It is mine too. I wanted you to stay... I didn’t think you’d get hurt.”
“Ashen.”
Cessilia grabbed his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her. His dark eyes looked full of pain each time he looked at her, and only when he looked at her. She could almost hear him suffering inside. He put his hand over hers, without pushing it away, simply caressing her skin.
“I’m th-the one who chose t-to stay,” she said, “b-but you d-didn’t give me a reason t-to, yet.”
He took a deep breath, and very slowly, turned his head, kissing her palm. The contact of his lips sent shivers down her back. The pain and cold from earlier were almost forgotten already, replaced by this delicious warmth between them. Her heart that had calmed down accelerated a little.
“...Stay with me tonight,” he muttered. “Please.”
Cessi’s throat tightened a little. She wasn’t prepared to see Ashen like this, almost begging at her feet... The King who looked so fierce while killing two dozen murderers now looked completely helpless and at her mercy. Why was it that he showed this part of him only when the two of them were alone? Cessilia tried to take a deep breath in. She nodded and, very slowly, leaned forward to kiss his lips. There was something empowering about making the next move, and knowing she was the one giving him the right to kiss her or not. Ashen almost seemed to hesitate, but very quickly, he recovered and kissed her back.
It was a long, tender kiss. A kiss that tasted like rain and firewood. Ashen’s lips were almost hesitant as if he was prepared for Cessilia to pull back at any moment. She didn’t. The Princess just wanted to feel him, to feel his warmth against her lips, against her skin. Without even thinking about it, their hands found each other on her knee, and they intertwined their fingers. Ashen sat completely at her feet, while Cessi was leaning forward to reach him. He was tall enough that she didn’t have to lean too much, and their bodies met halfway. She even caressed his white hair which she adored, and his hand softly held her lower back too.
After a short while, they parted, both much calmer now. A few inches between them, they didn’t sit back completely, still leaning toward each other, as if they couldn’t bear to part anymore. Ashen sighed.
“...Are you alright?”
“I’m f-fine.”
She was telling the truth. Her Dragon Blood was numbing and healing all the injured parts of her body. The most painful was her broken ribs, being mended together at a much faster pace than the norm. Ashen frowned, looking like he was the one in pain once more. He shook his head and put his forehead against her knee, his white hair falling down his shoulders.
“I shouldn’t have let you go through this,” he groaned. “I knew all those wretched women were going to come after you if I showed you even just a bit of interest, but...”
“Ashen,” Cessilia called him angrily, “d-don’t ignore me b-because of some o-other women. D-don’t pretend th-that is the only reason, either.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed, raising his dark eyes to her. “I just... I really wasn’t prepared to see you again, Cessi. I left the Dragon Empire angry, bitter, but most of all, I missed you like crazy. I missed you each day, hour, minute since I had to leave. I dreamt of you every night, and even during the day. I never thought I would get to see you again... not unless I came to get you myself. And now, here you are, a full-grown woman, appearing at a time in my life when I thought I would have to settle with another woman.”
“Like J-Jisel?” she asked angrily.
“No!” he protested. “It’s true Jisel has... She has been by my side for a while now, and she’s... Cessi, she’s nothing like you, I swear. I don’t love her.”
“You slept with her.”
Her words were like a dagger in his heart, but he couldn’t deny or avoid the Princess’ anger. He lowered his head.
“I... I don’t want to lie to you,” he muttered.
Cessilia made a sour expression, and turned her face to the fire, disappointed. She knew it since she had seen Jisel by his side, but it was still bitter to hear the confirmation. She took back her hand and clenched her fists on her skirt, tightly, refusing to look at him. She knew she had to calm the anger in her heart first.
“...Have you s-slept with her since I arrived?”
“No!”
Ashen had shouted so loud she jumped. She finally looked at him, but the King looked almost horrified by her words.
“Cessilia, do you think I’d have an ounce of desire left for any other woman now that you’re here? Do you have any idea what you do to me?!”
He grabbed her hands, not forcefully, but holding them in his grasp, looking her right in the eye.
“Cessilia, there’s only you. It’s only been you, all this time. You’ve been the only one on my mind, even when I held other women to satisfy my desires. Yes, I slept with others, and I did it without an ounce of love for them. Not even a thousandth of what I feel for you. I’ve been so cruel to those women who tried to get something out of me, and I can’t even feel sorry. I did it because I was desperate that it couldn’t be you in my arms.”
Cessilia’s heartbeat accelerated a bit at the thought of this. She hated that he had slept with other women, but she loved that he thought about her each time he did. It was a horrible feeling, a bittersweet mix of anger, pain, and envy. Even if she hated each one of them, she couldn’t help but be jealous of those women. She had come here knowing what it would imply, to be the White King’s woman. Worse, she desired it too.
“Even when I tried to forget,” he continued, “the memories of you came back to hit me even harder. The more I tried, the harder it was to forget you. A thousand times, I tried to imagine what it would be like if one day I could finally go back to the Empire. Each time I imagined you possibly falling for another man, or getting married while I was stuck here because of the war... Sometimes it hurt so much I thought I’d go insane.”
