“What ab-bout the c-competition?” she asked, her voice a bit more hoarse than she’d have wanted.
Ashen scoffed bitterly.
“Not my choice... My position is more fragile than it looks. All the main families want me to have an heir... to have one of their descendants as my heir. That’s the only way they’d leave me alone and stop fighting me, I guess. The problem is, they all want me to marry one of their daughters. So I let them decide to have that stupid competition. I couldn’t have cared less for who won... until you came.”
His expression softened, and he raised his hand. After a hesitation, and seeing Cessilia wasn’t backing away, he gently caressed her cheek. His large, warm hand against her cheek sent delicious shivers down her spine, and she put her hand over his.
“...I’m sorry,” he muttered.
She was a bit surprised at his sudden apologetic tone but waited to let him speak. Ashen’s expression looked so tired, something that had nothing to do with the earlier fight. The White King looked exhausted overall... but right in this moment, all of him was leaning toward her, and he was leaning against her legs, the two of them sharing each other’s warmth in front of the burning fire.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I just... I couldn’t believe it when I saw you here. Even now, I’m scared your father or your brothers will appear, and take you away from me... a second time. I never thought Yassim would bring you all the way here, and I never thought I would have a chance to... to have you.”
“B-but I wanted you t-too,” she muttered. “I d-don’t c-care about the c-competition either, Ashen. I c-came here b-because I still love you t-too. I... I really th-thought you had sent Yassim t-to ask me to marry you.”
“If I had thought it was possible, I would have married you the second you came.”
“...Why d-do you say it like that?”
“Look at yourself, Cessilia. You haven’t been here for a week, and you almost got killed already! I want you. I want you more than anything in this world. But... but I was foolish enough to agree to this competition, and you too. Now, every single one of those bastards will have put a target on your back and try to kill you. If something happens to you, I won’t forgive myself. ...I won’t come back from it, Cessilia. At least, in the Dragon Empire, you were safe. But here–”
“Ashen, look at-t me,” she ordered.
He raised his head again and met the Princess’ eyes, her emerald irises glowing with the fire’s light in them. She held his hand against her cheek, but her stare on him was fierce. She was like a queen looking at her servant, confident and strong.
“I won’t lose t-to them,” she said. “Th-those women can’t d-defeat me. I won’t be k-killed, either. And I kn-know you’re t-trying hard t-to save your K-Kingdom too. I d-don’t want t-to take that away f-from you, Ashen.”
“Cessilia, you don’t understand. I may be the King, but most of them don’t want me. I had to establish myself through–”
“Th-through fear? I went t-to the Muram Village t-today.”
Ashen’s expression fell.
“Why did you go there...?”
“I wanted t-to know how you won all th-those fights so fast. I saw you b-being t-trained by my dad. I saw how you fought t-tonight too. You’re strong, Ashen, b-but you’re not a god. T-tell me the t-truth. Why d-did you let th-that women d-drug those men?”
Ashen looked in complete shock. He tried to take his hand away from her face, but this time, Cessilia held his wrist. She used just the right amount of strength, so he would have to use force to free himself. He didn’t. Instead, he stared at the Princess, a bit shocked. Her bright green eyes left him no room to escape, and no room for lies, either. She already knew the truth.
“It was the fastest way, and the safest one for the villagers too,” he muttered.
“Ashen!”
“I didn’t want to use that method! I swear, Cessilia, I didn’t... but half my Kingdom is occupied by bastards like them, and the rest is dying of hunger! What was I supposed to do? It took me five years just to regain control of the Capital and its surroundings, and you have no idea how hard it was!”
“You c-can’t drug your opponents t-to win a fair fight!”
“Those men don’t deserve a fair fight, Cessi! Didn’t you hear what they did?”
“C-can you b-be sure that’s what they d-did, each one of them? If th-those men are half of your p-people, Ashen, what d-do you think made th-them like this in the first p-place? Where d-do you th-think they c-came from?”
His expression fell. He knew all too well. Those men he had slaughtered were like any other citizen, just a few years ago. Citizens who had grown tired of hunger, citizens who couldn’t live like they used to anymore. Those men had lived through wars, civil wars, and his own father’s tyranny. Some had become soldiers while hoping for a better future, but their futures had been ruined by war itself. They had been ruined by his predecessors’ greed and mistakes, and he was the last one left to try and suture a bleeding wound. He was alone to mend what had been shattered by twenty years of wrong rulers, and he was seen as a bastard King himself. His father’s blood had been a curse he couldn’t get rid of, while Cessilia’s parents’ teachings had been his only blessing.
“...I tried, Cessi. I swear, I tried, I tried so hard, I almost got killed a hundred times. I used... every single thing your father taught me. I did everything right. For so long, I tried to lead each battle while giving what you call a fair fight. Each time, I put my life on the line, with the fear my homeland would die with me. Look!”
He stood up into the light showing her all of his scars. Cessilia had already seen them before, but it still hurt each time she had to see them. Some were so large, or so long, she couldn’t believe he had survived that. There wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t covered in those white lines, some over the previous ones. His body was that of a warrior ten years older that had gone to war for most of his life. Ashen wasn’t old enough to have this many scars...
“This is what I got, from trying to heal this Kingdom the right way. For a while, I got drunk on battles, you know. Fighting was easier than doing nothing, and being left alone with the memories of you... but after a while, it became my nightmare. One fight after another, every day, as if my life had been nothing but a succession of fights. I fought mercenaries by day, assassins by night. For each time I was grateful for your father’s teachings, I couldn’t help but remember he had a dragon too. I didn’t have a dragon or even a real friend to help me. When... When Jisel came up with this idea, I realized this would make it all easier, faster. I said yes, because I was tired, and I thought if I was, my people were also probably begging for me to deliver them faster.”
“...N-no, Ashen,” she said, standing up. “You sh-shouldn’t have a-agreed. Th-there are so many ways t-to win fights. Without d-dragons, without d-drugs and p-poisons.”
Ashen took a step back, shaking his head helplessly.
“Cessilia, please... please, you have to understand. This isn’t the Empire you know. What you saw at the Muram Village... It’s the same everywhere. I tried everything I could before it came to this! Each time I offered to take prisoners, I left them a chance to put down their weapons. Half of the time, they didn’t listen, and when they did, it was to try and trick me.”
He brushed his white hair back with a tired look.
“I know it’s... it’s not ideal, Cessilia. I know it’s nothing like what I would have wanted to show you. But this is the best I could do. It was the painful and hard way, but slowly, I’ve done it. I became King, and I made all the Lords of the strongest clans listen to me. ...I’ve brought peace to this country.”
“No.”
He looked up, but the Princess looked almost angry.
“You b-brought nothing b-but fear. And fear b-brings more anger.”
“No,” he shook his head. “Cessilia, you don’t know what it’s like. You’ve never faced men like these, your country hasn’t known war since you were born. Your family has dragons for every fight they face! You don’t know what it’s like to put your life on the line, every day...”
“I kn-know.”
