He frowned, confused. Cessilia sighed and left the coat on the seat. Slowly, she pulled her hair back. Her fingers were trembling a bit, but her expression was determined. She took a deep breath and began to undo the clasp of her choker, behind her neck.
“I d-don’t th-think you understand,” she muttered. “Th-the g-girl you knew was only th-thirteen years old. It’s t-true I d-didn’t know much, b-back then. B-but I wasn’t afraid of anything. I d-didn’t fear g-going to your K-Kingdom, either. I th-thought it would b-be fine as long as I was with you... Th-that night, I left the Onyx C-Castle, in secret, with my d-dragon.”
Ashen’s expression fell.
“N-no,” he muttered. “No. ...I waited. I waited several nights at the spot we had promised to meet, Cessilia, but you never came. I thought you had decided not to follow me.”
“I wanted t-to follow you,” she said in a cry. “I was ready t-to leave my family, my p-parents, and my c-country to follow you.”
She took off her choker, and he took another step back, horrified. His heart sank in his chest. Where the grand, golden choker had been just before was nothing but a large, horrible scar all the way around her throat. After looking for a few seconds, he realized it wasn’t a large scar, but dozens of long scars, left in the same spot. As if her throat had been cut open, repeatedly. Cessilia’s hand came to touch her throat, briefly, as if to remember it herself.
“I t-tried to c-come,” she muttered, “b-but C-…”
She stuttered that letter several times, as if it was too painful to pronounce. After a while, she took a deep breath, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“C-... Cece and I d-didn’t make it.”
Ashen’s dark eyes couldn’t leave the sight of those scars. He was horrified, mortified. His years on the battlefield were more than enough to know this was not the result of any ferocious beast or accident. Those were the clear, clean cuts only a proper blade could make. He slowly shook his head, unable to understand.
“No,” he muttered. “It can’t be. You... your brother took you home, to the castle. You didn’t... come...”
“I really wanted t-to,” Cessilia cried, brushing her long curls back. “I wanted t-to, Ashen. I d-didn’t even th-think much b-before I left. I knew my p-parents would be mad, b-but I d-didn’t want to b-be separated from you. When I understood my d-dad and my b-brothers made you leave the c-country, and we d-didn’t even g-get to say g-goodbye, I c-couldn’t bear it. I c-cried, and I p-panicked. I knew you’d b-be waiting for me, I wasn’t ready t-to let you g-go at all.”
Ashen couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. The younger Cessilia hadn’t left him. Worse, she had tried to join him, when all those years he had thought she had made the opposite choice. He had seen her being taken home, without a word, by her brother, but he had never expected the thirteen-year-old girl had really left the safety of her home to come and find him... Now, he was scared to hear what had befallen her because of that decision.
“What happened...?”
Cessilia took a deep breath and swallowed with difficulty. She had a hard time breathing, let alone speaking. She was struggling and kept crying silently, brushing her hair back nervously, with her trembling fingers. As much as he wanted to run and comfort her, Ashen felt like he had no right to. Not until he heard it all. There was this invisible barrier between them, something he couldn’t cross, and his legs wouldn’t take him there. The Princess glanced at the fire. She had been avoiding his gaze since that heavy piece of gold had fallen to the floor.
“I was c-captured midway,” she muttered, “c-close to the b-border. Th-three men appeared, g-grabbed me, and p-pinned me d-down... My d-dragon t-tried to attack them t-to defend me, but th-they used me as a shield. One of th-them... c-cut me, just once. B-but when they realized d-dragon scales appeared on my b-body, and my d-dragon was affected t-too, they used it as a way t-to control her.”
She shivered. Her face had gone white, as if she was going to be sick just from remembering this. Ashen finally took a step forward, raising his hand and wanting to at least touch her, but Cessilia wrapped her arms around herself and took a step back. She shook her head slowly.
“I... I c-can’t remember how many t-times they d-did this. Every t-time I healed, th-they would cut my th-throat again, t-to scare her... t-to scare my Cece. Th-they wanted t-to c-capture her, b-but d-dragons only ob-bey their owner, so th-they forced her t-to obey th-through me. I b-... I b-bled so much... I p-passed out several t-times.”
Ashen’s nails were digging deep cuts into his palm from the anger. The Cessilia in front of him looked completely helpless, and he couldn’t bear to imagine what she had gone through. He couldn’t believe she had been tortured, and so young. Not only her but her dragon as well. Dragons were like their human’s counterpart. If Cessilia was hurt, Cece must have been going through the same pain her owner did...
“D-dragons... share th-their energy and strength with th-their owner when th-they are injured. I d-don’t really know how it c-can be, b-but... th-that’s why our s-scales are... the same c-color as theirs.”
Cessilia closed her eyes, frowning and looking like she was reliving that pain all over again.
“I... I b-begged th-them t-to stop,” she cried. “I... I felt my d-dra-... I felt my Cece was in t-too much p-pain to save me... she c-couldn’t t-take it. Her th-throat had b-begun to b-bleed too, without even a c-cut there.”
Ashen was just as shocked. Dragon scales were amongst the thickest materials, most blades couldn’t cut through them. Yet, Cessilia’s dragon’s throat had begun to bleed as a response to what its master was going through... and how much it tried to save her. How long had those two been tortured? He couldn’t even imagine the scene. Ashen had known Cece, and he had always seen them together. The dragon was a reflection of its owner. Beautiful, graceful, kind, and strong. Cece was completely devoted to Cessilia, those two were like one soul in two different bodies. He couldn’t even bear to imagine the scene... the horror they had suffered, to try and save the other.
Cessilia covered her eyes with her palms, trying to calm down her tears, but it was all in vain. She couldn’t stop crying, big tears flowing out now, her shoulders shaking.
“She... D-Dad c-came t-too late,” she cried. “My d-dad and b-brothers found us b-both and k-killed those men, b-but... Cece was already... she d-didn’t move at all. I c-cried. I p-passed out, I had lost t-too much b-blood and my th-throat wasn’t healing anymore b-because...”
Because she didn’t have Cece’s power anymore. Cessilia’s Dragon Blood couldn’t keep up with the injury, meaning she had been left to bleed out like a normal human being. Ashen’s eyes fell on the scars again, a horrible sight he couldn’t look away from. There were so many scars on top of one another. Perhaps twenty, or thirty... he couldn’t even tell. They were all spread out around her throat on the front half, showing how repeatedly Cessilia had been sliced there. If those were the results of when Cece couldn’t share her pain to heal her, this meant this was only a portion of what she had really endured...
Ashen’s legs gave out under him. The White King fell down to his knees, shocked and crushed. He had no idea. All these years, he had only felt sorry for himself and regretted a thousand times Cessilia not being by his side. But she had tried to be. The reckless, enamored, thirteen-year-old girl she was, had been ready to give up everything to follow him, and what had she gotten in return? Torture and pain, a tremendous, unmeasurable amount of pain. Ashen couldn’t even breathe, choked up by his guilt. Nothing was as he thought. Cessilia had said it before: he only felt sorry for himself. He only realized that now. He had held on to that dream where Cessilia was growing happily, surrounded by her family’s love and free of any hardships, when in truth, she had lost so much already. Her dragon, and her voice.
Cessilia’s hand moved down to touch her scars with trembling fingers.
“My mom t-tried to save me... She spent many d-days healing me, c-comforting me. We t-temporarily left the north and the Onyx C-Castle t-to stay at the Imperial P-Palace. I c-couldn’t talk... My th-throat hurt so much, I c-couldn’t utter a sound for nearly t-two years. I g-got d-depressed from seeing my siblings’ d-dragons, so I spent more t-time with T-Tessa... or with my g-grandmother. I got b-better with t-time... After th-that, and my th-throat had healed, it b-became clear I was healed here, b-but...”
Cessilia sighed, and let her hands fall to her sides, shaking her head slowly.
“I c-can’t... forgive myself b-because I lost Cece. I was t-too selfish and d-dumb. My d-dragon d-died b-because of me... and for a while, I c-couldn’t get any scars.”
Cessilia suddenly opened her hands, showing her palms. For a second, Ashen was confused, until he saw the cuts that followed the natural lines.
“B-because we c-couldn’t understand what happened to my d-dragon or save her with our own ways, D-Dad let K-Krai t-take her to the D-Dragon’s Lake, in the Imperial P-Palace... Th-there’s a legend th-that a D-Dragon God used to live th-there, with immense p-power that c-could even resuscitate p-people. My p-parents b-believe in th-that legend... At first, I really hoped it c-could work. When K-Krai p-put my Cece in the lake, she d-drowned, but a few d-days later, I b-began g-growing scales again when I was injured. I k-kept... injuring myself, t-to see if my scales would t-turn another c-color than b-black, but...”
Ashen understood. If Cece was to come back alive, the scales would have taken Cessilia’s dragon’s real color... however, it had been five years now. He had seen her scales, still as dark as coal... Cessilia sighed, shaking her head. She looked a bit calmer now, but her fingers were still trembling, and she didn’t even try to wipe the tears off her face.
“I c-can’t... heal like th-the others d-do,” she confessed. “T-Tessa is very p-protective of me b-because she knows th-that. I have those b-black scales, b-but... it’s nothing like b-before.”
She sighed, shaking her head.
“My voice... I c-can’t speak like b-before either. Mother says it’s a c-condition that’s in my heart, not my th-throat. I just c-can’t... I c-can’t speak like b-before.”
“It’s alright.”
Ashen jumped back to his feet. He couldn’t feel sorry for himself, not anymore. He didn’t want to show Cessilia any more of that, any more of that self-pity, when she was the one truly in pain, the one who had endured all those hardships alone. He approached her and, very carefully, after seeing that she wouldn’t reject his touch, he gently put his hands around her neck, on the sides of her scars. He glared at them, wishing he could wipe it off, and all the terrible memories behind it. He took a deep breath and looked up at Cessilia, his thumb rubbing the tears off her jawline gently.
“It’s alright, Cessilia, I... I am so, so sorry for what you went through. I’m really... sorry.”
