Nox swallows. “How did you find out about her?”
“The queen was taking a stroll and decided to come calling to my cell one night. I thought it was you, and I’d just found out extracting the parasite would kill me, so I told you—her—we couldn’t go through with the ritual. She deemed it an appropriate time to introduce me to your sister. To tell me about your agreement.”
Nox takes a deep breath in and props himself against the fireplace mantel with his outstretched hand as he rubs his finger against his temple.
“What would you have done if I’d told you?” I ask, and he only squints harder. “What would you have done, Nox? Would you have stopped the experiments, thrown away any hope you had of saving her? Or would you have murdered me right then and there? Personally, I’d rather not know, and I doubt you’d love to discover that kind of revelation about yourself, either.”
The words come out almost in one breath, and by the time they’re out, I feel a bit dizzy.
“You should have told me,” is all he says.
“It wasn’t your burden to bear,” I answer in a whisper.
“Was it not? My sister, the other half of my soul, or the girl I...” His words go dry, stale. “I would have thought you would have known better than that, Blaise.”
“Than what?” I ask, my voice half hysterical.
“Than to force someone into doing something they didn’t understand.”
It’s an arrow—no, a bolt—to my heart, and for a moment I can’t breathe.
Regret stains Nox’s pale face, and every ounce of cruelty washes with the little color on his cheeks. “Blaise…” He makes his way toward me, and he’s upon me in an instant, but my palm is already outstretched, already waiting to push him away.
“Get out,” I say.
Nox blinks rapidly, and though he takes a step backward, he looks a bit dazed. “I’m so sorry. I should have never—”
“Get out!” I cry.
And he does.
CHAPTER 45
NOX
My own words rattle in my head, the wretched implications of them.
You should have known better than to force someone into doing something they didn’t understand.
I hate myself for saying them.
But it’s nothing compared to the hate I’d reserve for myself if I hadn’t.
I wait in the shadows and watch her stalk from Gunter’s room. I taste the salt in the air as hot tears stream down her cheeks.
My head pounds, but my arms ache for her, to wrap her up and bury my face into her long dark hair and tell her I didn’t mean it. That I said it to push her away, so she could escape this awful prison and never look back.
She doesn’t.
She doesn’t look back.
I listen as she storms up the cold stone steps where Gunter took his last breath.
I have to dig my fingers into the stone to hold myself in place.
Since Blaise’s Turning, something has changed, like the bloodsharing ritual has been heightened to its full effect. A raging possessiveness has come over me, and I want nothing more than to go after her and tell her I’m keeping her for myself.
But Blaise has been kept enough in her life.
Only when she reaches the door at the top of the staircase do I let myself slide down the wall and fist my hair in my hands.
Blaise lied to me. I was angry, furious even, when I discovered she’d knowingly forfeited her life just to save me from having to choose between her and Zora.
But the coward in me is grateful. She’s right. I don’t want to know who I would have chosen. I don’t want to know what having that kind of choice placed before me would have revealed about myself.
Our conversation hadn’t gone as I intended. I’m not sure exactly what I’d been planning, but it hadn’t been to blow up on Blaise. It hadn’t been to strike at the bruise that already blackened her heart.
But I had planned to hurt her, just in a different way.
I knew what I had to do the moment I found the blotchy servant girl roaming the halls. Her name is Sylvia, and she’s always been terrified of me.
She should be. Her skin shows evidence of blood like none I’ve ever seen, but I’ve never laid a hand on her.
She was coming out of the South Wing when I found her. I’m not sure why, but something about that seemed strange, hollowed a pit in my stomach. Abra should have known better than to send a human servant so close to where we were keeping Blaise.
In fact, I was sure Abra knew better.
So I’d questioned the girl and discovered quickly that she’d brought a tray to Blaise. That she’d let Blaise out.
