Toxic shock syndrome (TSS) is a rare complication of certain bacterial infections. If a tampon, menstrual disc, or menstrual cup is left in the body for too long and has the required bacteria, the body can react to that bacteria and cause TSS. This complication can cause high fever, low blood pressure, and vomiting or diarrhea, and can even be life-threatening. Once an individual has had TSS once, it is more likely they will get it again, and they should not use tampons, discs, or cups anymore.

What do I do if my period hurts like, really, really bad?

If your period hurts, please tell me. There are several things that we need to consider if you are having a painful period. The first is that a certain amount of cramping and discomfort is normal during a period—your body is contracting muscles to help shed the lining of your uterus. We can get you some hot compresses and pain relievers, and increase your activity to help with some of that lower-level discomfort. If you are having very painful periods, however, we need to consult your doctor and have you assessed for other causes like endometriosis. I will help you advocate for the help you need.

Is there ever a time I should be worried about smelling bad?

We’ve talked before about how your vulva might have an odor, particularly after a lot of exercise or being in hot weather, and that normal cleaning can help manage that smell. If you notice that the smell doesn’t go away, or that the smell has changed, please let me know so we can head to your doctor. A change in smell is one of the first signs of a bacterial infection, which will need to be treated with medication.

How come my period always surprises me? What the heck, Mom?

Well, kid, sometimes the frequency of your periods can be difficult to pinpoint. There’s lots of different reasons for this. Part of it might be that you’re just young and your hormones haven’t balanced out. It could have to do with your weight fluctuating from season to season (but if your period’s not coming because you’re too thin, we need to talk to your doctor). Or it could have something to do with other hormonal things like polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). If this irregularity is really bothering you, we’ll absolutely make an appointment with your doctor and try to figure out some answers, but for now, we can also just keep track and see if there’s a pattern we recognize. Sound fair?

Mom, what does it mean to pop somebody’s cherry?

Oh, okay, so. In some people’s vaginas, there’s this little flap or circle of tissue called the hymen. It’s leftover tissue from embryonic development—it’s like a little ring or crescent shape just around the opening of the vagina that doesn’t serve any purpose that we know of. But the reality is that many people don’t have one. When there is a hymen, it can be stretched to the point that it bleeds, which some people call “breaking” the hymen. This can happen in lots of different ways—from using a tampon, having a bump or fall that impacts the pelvis, exploring your own body … you get the idea. Some folks’ hymens are more than just a little ring—it can actually be a thin covering over the opening of the vagina that needs to be surgically corrected to make penetration possible, but that’s pretty rare. “Popping someone’s cherry” is part of a larger, really damaging myth that if a person with a vagina hasn’t had sex before, they will bleed after their first time. Get it? The “cherry” is the blood after someone’s hymen breaks? Yeah. But since we know that not everyone even has a hymen, and that it doesn’t need to “break” … Exactly. People might assume that a vagina is “used” if it doesn’t bleed after penetration. And if there is really high value placed on sexual purity where that person lives, this myth can be reallllly dangerous.

CHAPTER 6: IN BRIEF

Menstruation has been treated with secrecy and shame in many cultures, but accurate and honest conversations about menstruation are developmentally appropriate beginning in early childhood. A period is, at its core, a biological mechanism that is part of the reproductive cycle. Children may experience many emotions when learning about menstruation ranging from curiosity to fear to disgust, but by normalizing the process, parents can potentially prevent those strong reactions from turning inward and resulting in shame.

Key Takeaways

The vagina is a self-cleaning organ—it does not need to be cleaned internally with products like douches or with soap, despite advertisements to the contrary.

Menstruation occurs when the endometrium (lining) of the uterus, which is made of nutrient-rich tissue, is sloughed off and ejected through the vagina. In anticipation of hosting a fertilized egg, the endometrium grows back, but if fertilization does not occur, menstruation begins again. This cycle recurs monthly for some people, and at less predictable intervals for others.

People with a uterus typically begin menstruating around the same time they are experiencing puberty (though other health factors can impact this), so preparation for periods should start when signs of puberty begin to appear.

Periods can also coincide with other body changes like increases in vaginal discharge, breast discomfort, body hair, and body odor.

CHAPTER 7 Pen15 Club

“Dude,” Jessica said with alarm, “I can see your pubes!”

“What?” her son Mason replied quizzically.

“I can see … what are you doing? I can see your pubic hair!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Why are you pulling on the front of your swim trunks like that? I get it, these new swim jammers are way tighter than your normal trunks, but like. What is going on? You need to stop that.”

“Uh, no. I won’t be stopping that. Thanks,” Mason said dismissively.

“Wait, what?” Jessica was shocked, and with her eyebrows that far into her hairline, Mason knew he had to explain.

“I learned at swim team initiation that I can’t stop.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back the truck up. What do you mean, ‘initiation’? WHAT IS GOING ON?!”

“Okay, Mom, don’t freak out.”

It was too late. Jessica was freaking out. Her son, a seventh grader, had just joined the swim team. He was lanky and lean and actually quite quick in the water. He also loved swimming. The swim jammers were a somewhat new experience for him, though, and much tighter than normal swim trunks. It had taken him a bit to get used to them, and now every time he got out of the pool he was pulling out the front of them, way too close to showing people what was underneath. If he pulled just a little bit farther, there would be nothing left to the imagination. This was not okay, and if the older boys on the team were leading him to do this, she had a really big issue on her hands.

“Mom, let me explain.”

“Okay, I told you I’d always listen, so I’m listening.”

“I didn’t know that with the temperature of the pool and the way that swim jammers work, when I get out of the pool, they kind of like … vacuum seal to my penis.”

“What?” Jessica asked. This had taken … a sharp left turn.

“Yeah, they like, suction on and I didn’t know. I was just getting out of the pool, but the older boys showed me what they meant,” Mason explained patiently.

“I am still so confused.”

“Mooooom. When I get out of the pool, it suctions onto my penis, and you can see every outline of everything. How long it is. How big it is. If it’s really, really cold, or if it’s going to get … you know. Do you get my drift?”

“Oh.” She did, indeed, get his drift.

“So the older boys told me that when you get out of the pool, if you just pull the top of the waistband a little bit, it like, loosens up and then you can’t see as much. I promise I won’t pull it out quite as far. I’ll try to make sure that you can’t see everything,” he offered as a sort of compromise.

“My dude, that’s totally fine. I understand now. Thank you for telling me. I am sorry I didn’t get it before.”

“It’s okay, Mom. You don’t have one and you’re not a swimmer, so I don’t expect you to know. I didn’t.”

It can be really hard to talk about the parts you don’t have, because you’ve never lived the experience of having them. If you don’t have a penis, you don’t know at all what it’s like to wake up with “morning wood,” and you don’t have any idea what it’s like to have a surprise erection in the middle of class. If you’ve never had to navigate it, guiding a child through how to handle it can be intimidating. It might even be tempting to use books or movies or other media to allow the education to happen without you. Supplementing our children’s education is exactly what this book is aiming to do, right? But the goal shouldn’t be for our children’s education about their bodies to happen without us—that’s not fair to our children, or to us. No amount of representation or factual written word can replace information presented with love, thoughtfulness, and guidance by their caregivers.

“Mama?” the sweet voice said sleepily from the foot of the bed.

Barely registering her consciousness, much less the small human next to the bed, Marcy replied, “What’s up, baby?”

“Something is wrong with my penis.”

Well, she was awake now. “What do you mean, something is wrong with your penis? Are you hurt? Did something happen when you tried to go potty?”

“It’s … long.”

Now her brain was on overdrive. She felt like essentially any other adjective would have registered better than “long.” But there she was at 6 a.m., trying to figure out what might cause a “long penis.”

“Long? What … what do you mean?”

“Look at it!!”

What even is life?! Her three-year-old was standing next to her bed, undies around his ankles, concernedly showing her his “long penis.”