Parenting Without Borders: Surprising Lessons Parents Around the World Can Teach Us by Christine Gross-Loy (Avery, 2014)
Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent’s Guide to Bringing Up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity by Aaron Gouveia (Skyhorse Publishing, 2020)
So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids by Diane E. Levin, PhD, and Jean Kilbourne, EdD (Ballantine Books, 2009)
This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained by Cara Natterson, MD, and Vanessa Kroll Bennett (Rodale Books, 2023)
What Girls Need: How to Raise Bold, Courageous, and Resilient Women by Marisa Porges, PhD (Viking, 2020)
Videos
The Affirmations Song (https://youtu.be/1XYoduQMAjU?si=2G2Q6WVbHkcV0kmX)—A song of positive mantras for children focused on mental health and boundaries.
The Boundary Song (https://youtu.be/aSFvJbSQdA4?si=oItv7To5k5PY7cf0)—Easy, child-friendly song for learning about boundaries.
The Purpose of Friendship (https://youtu.be/aGedUxTAfBk?si=tJ4c_o9xXvZoS1Oq)—Encourages individuals to consider the purpose of their relationships and maintain boundaries on their time and energy.
Tea Consent (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8Tea)—An example for caregivers of how to reframe consent in a context apart from sex.
Sexual orientation? Gender identity? What’s the difference? (https://youtu.be/C63Xn--i13o?si=tmigwpTMLIViXCAN)—Concise explanation of identity terms used when discussing LGBTQ+ topics.
Websites, Hotlines, and Resources
AMAZE (amaze.org)—More info. Less weird. Sex education and sexual health information for parents and families.
The Family Acceptance Project (https://familyproject.sfsu.edu/)—San Fransisco State University initiative aiming to promote well-being for LGBTQ+ children and youth through risk prevention.
My Kid Is Gay (mykidisgay.com)—A guide and helpful resources to help parents and families understand their LGBTQ+ kids.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988lifeline.org)—Provides free and confidential mental health crisis services 24/7 for anyone in distress. Call 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
PFLAG National (pflag.org)—Dedicated to supporting, educating, and advocating for LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones. Support available at 202-467-8180 and online.
Plan International USA and Promundo, “9 Tips for Parents: Raising Sons to Embrace Healthy, Positive Masculinity” (equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads 2019/06 healthy-masculinity-tipsheet-for-parents.pdf)—Concrete tips to help parents talk to their sons about healthy masculinity and self-expression, curated by the experts at Plan International USA (an organization for advancing girls’ equality and children’s rights) and Promundo (a global leader in engaging men and boys in promoting gender equality and preventing violence).
Planned Parenthood for Parents (plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents)—Information to empower parents to have accurate, nonjudgmental conversations with their children about sex, puberty, bodies, and relationships.
RespectAbility (respectability.org)—Sexual education resources that are inclusive of individuals living with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Scarleteen.com—Billed as “sex-ed for the real world,” this site is an inclusive, comprehensive, supportive guide to sexuality and relationships for teens and emerging adults.
SIECUS: Sex Ed for Social Change (siecus.org)—Organization dedicated to advancing comprehensive sex education access through advocacy, policy, and coalition building.
Notes
Chapter 1: Unconditional Positive Regard
17recognizing their innate ability to grow and change Carl R. Rogers, Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications, and Theory (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1965).
18it also aids in identity development, moral reasoning, and social thinking B. M. Law, A. M. Siu, and D. T. Shek, “Recognition for Positive Behavior as a Critical Youth Development Construct: Conceptual Bases and Implications on Youth Service Development,” Scientific World Journal (2012): 809578.
19cognitive development occurs over the course of the entire life span Jean Piaget, “The Theory of Stages in Cognitive Development,” in D. R. Green, M. P. Ford, and G. B. Flamer, Measurement and Piaget (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1971).
23How we as caregivers react “Positive Parenting Tips,” Child Development, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, last reviewed February 22, 2021, https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle.html.
27does not have the positive outcomes we hope for Nejra Van Zalk, Maria Tillfors, and Kari Trost, “Mothers’ and Fathers’ Worry and Over-Control: One Step Closer to Understanding Darly Adolescent Social Anxiety,” Child Psychiatry & Human Development 49, no. 6 (2018).
29small children are egocentric Sandra Stojić, Vanja Topić, and Zoltan Nadasdy, “Children and Adults Rely on Different Heuristics for Estimation of Durations,” Scientific Reports 13, no. 1 (2023), https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-27419-4.
30his amygdala had outgrown the rest of his brain American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “Teen Brain: Behavior, Problem Solving, and Decision Making,” Facts for Families no. 95 (2017).
32developmentally appropriate curiosity “Normative Sexual Behavior,” National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth, https://ncsby.org/content/normative-sexual-behavior.
Chapter 2: Curiosity
38social learning … first studied in children by Albert Bandura in 1961 A. Bandura, D. Ross, and S. A. Ross, “Transmission of Aggression Through Imitation of Aggressive Models,” Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 63, no. 3 (1961).
42Curiosity is completely natural, even curiosity about bodies and sex “Normative Sexual Behavior,” National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth, https://ncsby.org/content/normative-sexual-behavior.
45abstinence-only sex education K. F. Stanger-Hall and D.W. Hall, “Abstinence-Only Education and Teen Pregnancy Rates: Why We Need Comprehensive Sex Education in the U.S.,” PLoS One 6, no. 10 (2011): e24658, DOI: 10.1371/journal.pone.0024658.
46Providing age-appropriate information makes it measurably more difficult E. S. Goldfarb and L. D. Lieberman, “Three Decades of Research: The Case for Comprehensive Sex Education,” Journal of Adolescent Health 68 (2021).
Chapter 3: Consent
57the FRIES acronym “Sexual Consent,” Planned Parenthood, n.d., https://plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent.
59You respect their autonomy NetSmartzKids, “Who is a ‘Trusted Adult’?,” National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, n.d., https://www.missingkids.org/content/dam/netsmartz/downloadable/tipsheets/who-is-a-trusted-adult.pdf.
