“I’m thirty-two. There, I said it. Wait Isay, is that a—”

She marched into the dining hall, hiding her face from me, but I was sure I’d seen her lips tugging into an involuntary—

“—smile on your face? Is me being a youngling funny to you?”

She shook her head. “Of course not.”

“Isay, wouldn’t it be fair if you’d do me the courtesy of telling me your—”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about. I’m not that much younger than you,” she retorted.

My heart stopped beating. She was younger than me? Okay, that was it. I was going to marry her. I was going to bind my whole existence to hers so I could spend the rest of my life loving her.

She just had to agree to it first.

Chapter 18

ISAY

THIRTY-TWO, THIRTY-TWO, THIRTY-TWO… FOR A FAE, THAT WAS young. For a death fae, it was extremely young, since they had more trouble mating than most, especially within the last half-century.

Either way, thirty-two sounded surreal to me. It wasn’t often that I met a fae this close to my own age. He did have thirteen years on me, but it was peanuts to somebody else’s centuries.

I was not relieved by the discovery. And no, I was not smiling. Or was I? Oh god, I was smiling, and he knew it, too. Then I went and told him I was younger than him. What was I thinking?

It was probably only because I’d found him interesting enough to get to know better. Yes, interesting, I was sticking to that, because surely, Karmuth wasn’t anything more than just interesting. Surely, I wasn’t starting to feel anything towards him. I wasn’t… I wasn’t…

He made me feel safe. Despite him being a death fae, and despite him executing Elisia, his presence comforted me. It also pushed at the darkness that had tethered itself in me after what happened with the delthers.

“How much younger, Isay?” Karmuth asked, his voice taking on a tone I hadn’t heard before, but it certainly got my heart racing. As if it hadn’t been before.

I did my best to stay nonchalant, but I couldn’t. My own voice hitched when I answered, “About a decade,” in a breathless whisper that carried through the noise of the dining hall either way.

He was the one smiling then, the kind of smile that reached his eyes. I wanted to ask him about them, as it was such a rare colour on a dark fae, but I never got the chance.

We had reached the table at the very end of the large hall. My mother and King Grath sat with their backs to the wall and held the overview of the whole room. I wasn’t as intimidated as in the throne room, but standing in front of the king still made me fidget. I hadn’t forgiven him. Somehow, forgiving Karmuth had been easier, as he was just following orders.

Not quite sure of proper etiquette, I bowed my head, staring at the wide range of dishes on the table.

“Sit, sit, don’t just stand there.” The king gestured towards a chair opposite them.

I tapped my hands on my hip, glancing behind me at the busy dining hall and then back at the table. I did not wish to sit with my back to all of those fae.

“Karmuth?” The king waved his hand at my guard, and he rushed to pull the chair out for me.

Reluctantly, I sat. Karmuth shifted around, and when I looked back at him, he was positioned between me and the rest of the dining hall, observing everything and everyone around us, keeping me safe.

“Thank you,” I said under my breath, not sure if he heard me. He was in full on guard mode, because he did not reply.

“It’s been a difficult couple of days,” the king began while a servant prepared a plate for me, keeping well out of reach to avoid touching me. “We wanted to make sure you’re doing all right.”

I choked on a humourless laugh. Right. He, the reason I was having a difficult couple of days to begin with, was worried about me? That was precious.

Whatever spark of happiness Karmuth had managed to sprout fled my body. I was not appreciating his concern.

“Isay, would you please behave,” my mother reprimanded softly. “I know it couldn’t have been easy for you these past few days, but I do expect you to mind your manners.”

I froze. I could behave, I think. I might be able to pull off a well-behaved appearance if she explained to me why she’d never come to see me in the infirmary, or even after I got out. In three days, this is the first time either of them were even talking to me.

“What do you know of my difficult days? You weren’t even there,” I huffed. I must admit I did not sound well behaved.

“Your mother was on the front lines when the delthers broke through our defences, young lady,” the king said before my mother could defend herself.

I furrowed my brows, but that was likely hidden by the shaded glasses I wore. “What’s that supposed to mean? Many fae were at the front lines. Karmuth, too was defending the gate.”

The moment I said it, a flush spread out on my cheeks. The heat of it obvious and definitely not hidden by the glasses. The warrior behind me didn’t react. He didn’t even shift, which made my outburst somewhat more bareable.

“I’m sorry Isay, but I haven’t felt well enough to come see how you’re handling the recent events. I’ve only just recovered enough to come out of the bed for an hour or two.

“I’ve never shared this much of my ecos before, but I had to do something, and it… it took a toll on me. It isn’t an excuse, I know. You don’t understand until you yourself are defending the whole court.

“Don’t look at me like that, Isay. Your safety, too was in the hands of the warriors I shared to. I was thinking of you the whole time. I’m here now, you don’t have to be scared.”

I was scowling. I knew I was, but I couldn’t stop myself. While I saw the paleness of her skin and the bags under her eyes, I couldn’t fathom her not knowing that I too had stood up for the court three days ago and understood perfectly. It wasn’t even about her dissapearing for three days, or never visiting me in the infirmary. Not anymore. It was about how blind she was to my efforts.

In the attempt to behave I kept my mouth shut, slumping deeper into the chair and avoiding the eyes of both my mother and the king. It wasn’t the right approach.

“Isay, look at me when I’m talking to you,” my mother said, “and do remove those horrible glasses. You never wore those in Elverstone, and you certainly have no need for them here.”

Removing the glasses was out of the question.

She had no business seeing what my little stunt had done to my eyes. Well, one of them. The only one who’d gotten a good look was Karmuth, and I wanted to keep it that way.

I knew there were whispers going around the court, but so long as nobody full on confronted me, I could pretend nothing had happened at all.

“I’m trying out a new style,” I muttered. “It doesn’t do to discard part of the outfit.”

I wish I’d have something else to hide behind, or that the mark of darkness would fade like Karmuth presumed. My vision was shaded enough by the layer of black around my eye; I didn’t need another darkening component.

There weren’t a lot of options though. Would lenses work on a completely black canvas?

Mother scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous, dear.”

I gritted my teeth but refused to budge. She had no business making me feel worse about my predicament. Of course, she didn’t quite know what had happened exactly in the first place, but I supposed that’s why we were having dinner together in the first place.

“Now, Isay. You wouldn’t wear a hat inside, so take the sunglasses off.”

“If it was part of my outfit, I woul—”