Rebekah froze.
You cannot lie, Rebekah, the little voice in her head told her. But how truthful can you be?
“I have not had the chance to put him in it since he settled,” she said truthfully. “But the minute I do, I will send word. I promise.”
“Danki, Dochder.” Samuel’s eyelids fluttered. “My, I did not realize how tired I was.”
Rebekah stood and made her exit. She paused in the doorway. “I will go so you can rest.”
Samuel’s eyes were already closed. “Ich lieb you, Dochder.”
Rebekah turned in the doorway. “I love you too, Fater.”
He was snoring before she even closed the door.
***
Elnora was swaying in the kitchen with Lil’ Bit when Rebekah came down the stairs. Thomas had gone on to bed, so the kitchen felt curiously quiet with just the pair of them and the bopplin there. It was incredibly rare that she had her mother to herself for any amount of time.
Rebekah sat down at the table and spoke first. “Fater is not well.”
“His energy, it comes and goes,” Elnora said. “But I cannot recall a time when he was so ill. Apart from last year.”
Rebekah shuddered. The heart seizure that almost took her father’s life was a fresh worry in everybody’s mind when Samuel had so much as sneezed since then. This latest development did nothing except worry the lot of them considerably. “Mater…” she began.
The word hung there in the still air, dangling from the last strands of courage she used even coming here.
Elnora did not speak, but she did turn her kind eyes toward her daughter.
Rebekah sucked in a breath. “I have done something terrible. Actually, I have done lots of terrible things, but one thing above all I am incredibly ashamed of.”
Elnora’s brow furrowed. “You, Dochder? What have you done that is so terrible?”
“This entire pregnancy, I have been horrible to Joseph. Selfish, rude, and horrible. He had kept up a secret correspondence with Katie, or so I thought, and it turned out to all be a big misunderstanding.”
The smell of bread, toasting in the oven, met her nose. Her stomach growled, but she paid it no attention. “I came out the fool, and I feel every bit of it. So instead of trusting my husband, I drove him away.” She dared a peek at her mother. “And worst yet, in a fit of anger, I did something even more terrible.”
Elnora offered a gentle smile. “I am sure whatever it was is not as bad as it seems. Would you like to talk about it?” She brushed Rebekah’s hair off her forehead.
Her mother’s gentle smile and the tender caress of her hand on her forehead took her right back to her childhood. One night, when she was about ten, Rebekah had awakened in a cold sweat. She was freezing, she was sweating, and her throat felt as though it was on fire. She’d tried to call out, but the words could not pass her swollen throat.
So, she lay there, weak and whimpering, until the door opened and light from the hallway flooded in.
“My darling girl,” Elnora had exclaimed. “Are you oll recht?”
Rebekah could not answer. Only squeaks could pass her lips. She pointed to her throat as tears born of fear and pain ran down her cheeks.
“Oh no,” Elnora said. She brushed her hand across Rebekah’s forehead. “You are burning up with fever. I will be back. Mater will take care of you.”
Her mother’s reassuring presence had gotten Rebekah through her first terrible sickness, which until that time had been the scariest night of her life. Even as she lay there in her bed, moments before so terrified and in pain, her mother’s presence and touch had been enough to reassure her that everything would pass, and she would soon feel better.
Elnora had returned in only a few moments, with an icy rag in her hand along with a steaming cup of tea. She placed the icy rag on Rebekah’s forehead. “This will bring your fever down.”
She sat on the end of the bed and stirred the cup. “This is what my mater gave to me when I was sick. I will make it for you several times a day until you feel better. We need to start drinking it now. Sit up a bit, my love.”
Rebekah still remembered the spicy taste of the tea Elnora made for her. Years later, Elnora gave her the recipe for that enchanted tea that had soothed a childhood filled with sore throats. Apple cider vinegar and honey in hot tea. Sweet and simple.
She trusted her mother then, and she needed to trust her mother now.
Rebekah sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. “I smashed the cradle fater made for Lil’ Bit.”
Elnora’s hand flew to her mouth, and she turned away with a gasp.
She does not want me to see the disappointment on her face.
The toast was done, so Elnora slowly retrieved it from the oven in silence.
Rebekah did not dare speak. She had already broken enough hearts with her words and actions, but the worst of all may prove to be breaking those of her parents. Her mother had never turned away from her when she needed her before. Now, they were in uncharted territory. The familiar lump rose into her throat and threatened to choke her, but she did not dare cough.
Elnora seemed to move in slow motion before finally speaking again. “You know Rebekah,” she started. Her voice was low and crackly, as though she was fighting back tears. “Your dat worked so hard to construct that for you.”
Sorrow. My mother is speaking through sorrow.
“Ja, mater.” Rebekah’s heart rent in her chest as Elnora prepared them a snack that Rebekah did not deserve to partake in.
Elnora placed the toast on a plate and sat it in the middle of the table. “Would you get the butter off the counter, please? And a knife?”
Rebekah silently did as she was asked. She sat the items next to the aromatic toast.
