He takes my hand and leads me over to his sunflower-colored sofa. We both sit down. “The short answer is yes,” Junichi says. “Mutual feeding and sex are the basic components for creating a vampiric bond. But there are other, more complex factors that dictate how quickly it happens or the quality of the bond—how strong it will be.”
“Such as?” I ask. “What are these factors?”
“The biggest thing we’ve recently learned is compatibility. Haruka’s family has a research manual about vampiric bonds called Lore and Lust. It highlights all the factors associated with vampire intimacy and bonding.”
Christ. An entire research journal on vampire bonds. I wonder if he’ll let me read it when I start visiting him this coming Sunday…
“If a ranked vampire couple is highly compatible, they bond faster,” Junichi continues. “Haruka says he’s learned that the best-quality bonds form within one to three tries. But it’s rare. It normally takes vampires somewhere between five and ten tries before a bond forms, and we now know that those bonds are weak. Forced. They’re low-quality bonds.”
I sit for a few moments in silence, letting the abundance of information knock around in my brain. “Alright… how does a couple know how compatible they are?”
Junichi exhales a heavy sigh and sits back against the couch. “Talk to Haruka about it when you visit him. He says it’s something you feel—a certain pull. He thinks trust is a major factor.”
I nod. I will definitely ask him, but now I want examples. “So, how long did it take Haruka and Nino to bond?”
“First try.”
“And that’s rare?”
“Insanely.”
“So in a sense, they’re perfectly compatible?” I ask.
“Yes. ‘Choosing a mate is not absolute.’ That’s what we’ve always said in our culture—that there is no singular vampire who is ‘perfect’ for you. But this new information tells us that there are vampires so well suited for your nature, and yours for theirs, that the bond instantly and easily clicks.”
“First try…” I mumble, considering. I think about Haruka and Nino and how obviously balanced they are. How soft and considerate they are with each other. How the loving warmth between them feels like the glow of the sun. It touches me and makes me smile just being in their presence.
I think back to what Haruka told me the first time we had tea together. That everything between him and Nino felt natural. That they communicated and openly accepted the pull they felt in their instincts. The magnetism. I’m sure that’s a huge part of it. They didn’t fight it. They didn’t let their baggage, hang-ups and assumptions get in the way. They fully trusted each other.
I look over at Jun, deciding to get back to the fundamentals. “What does it mean to bond, Jun?”
“It means you’re beholden,” he says. “You’re chained to a singular vampire forever. Breaking the chain has dire consequences. You can only feed and have intimacy with that particular vampire for the rest of your life, and your bloodline is shared. Deeply entwined and dependent.”
The fact that his definition is laced with pessimism isn’t lost on me. It was not an unbiased explanation. I want to ask Haruka the same question on Sunday. Maybe Sora next time I’m at work, too. Just to get as many takes on it as possible before I develop my own perspective.
Already, though, if I take what he’s said and remove the bias, it sounds quite nice. Feed from and make love to a person you’re perfectly compatible with forever? Yes, please. Absolutely.
What I wouldn’t give to have that. To never go on a first date again, or deal with the awkward learning curve of a new sex partner (only to reach the end of the curve and find that you aren’t even compatible—the sex is just dreadful). To always have someone to share moments, laughs and experiences with. To never be discarded, or paranoid about being abandoned or alone again.
For me, it sounds brilliant. To Junichi, though, not so much.
“You make bonding sound like a kind of prison,” I say.
“In the home I grew up in, it was. It took me seventy-five years to be free of it. And even now my biology is still impacted because of my father’s choices—even though he’s been dead for more than fifty years. I’m still chained in some ways.”
I nod and do some quick maths. Junichi’s age is between a hundred and twenty-five and a hundred and thirty. So difficult to fathom. This life span.
I don’t say it aloud, but this is Junichi’s baggage: his childhood. The environment he was brought up in was damaging to his views on relationships. I openly acknowledge my baggage. I have abandonment issues and a toxic best friend, and I try to do everything on my own. I know it well, and I try to be aware of it when it’s fucking up my lenses. I’m not sure if Junichi knows his baggage, or if he’s willing to take ownership of it.
I want to test the waters, so I give a slight poke. “Not all bonds are reflective of what you personally experienced growing up. Look at Nino and Haruka?”
Junichi scoffs. “They’re the exception, remember? Not the rule.”
I nod, keeping my mouth shut. Zero awareness of the baggage. My mind is spinning in a million different ways, so I jump slightly when he reaches over and clasps my hand.
“Did I scare you?” he asks.
“No. Sorry. Just thinking.”
“I want to be honest with you. Bonding is not something I want to do, Jae. I don’t usually put myself in this kind of situation. I never offer my blood like this, or even let anyone stay in my home. But I care about you… and I like you.”
“I like you, too.”
He nods, returning my smile. “So I want to support you through this. I’m going to—I’m happy to. But we need to be careful. All jokes aside, can you respect that?”
“I can.” And I will. I’ll stop it with the flirty comments and trying to goad him. If he’s truly terrified that we might accidentally bond, I won’t provoke him. Not even for a snuggle.
What he’s doing for me is unbelievable. Letting me move into his home, invade his privacy and take his blood. Of course I’ll respect his wishes. I can behave myself. He’ll see.
Late November
Twenty-Nine
Junichi
[When do you think you’ll be back home?]
I’m staring at Jae’s message and considering my response.
