Arriving at the boat the passengers stood back in skepticism. Perruquil, who was small, thin, hot-eyed, and seemed to be constructed only of nerves knotted around bones, went so far as to suggest duplicity. “Varmous, what is your plot? You take our terces, put us in the cabins of this ruined vessel, then go quietly off with your caravan: is that the way of it? Be warned: I was not born yesterday!”
“Boats do not ordinarily sail on the dry land,” murmured the aesthete Clissum.
“Quite true,” said Varmous. “By Cugel’s magic, this vessel will fly safely and smoothly through the air.”
Cugel spoke in a serious voice: “Because of a regrettable oversight, too many passengers have been booked aboard the Avventura, and four persons will be required to ride in our ‘premier’ carriage, at the head of the column where they can enjoy an intimate view of the nearby landscape. In this connection let me ask: who among you suffers either vertigo or an obsessive fear of heights?”
Perruquil fairly danced to the spasmodic forces of his emotion. “I shall not change to inferior accommodations! I was first to pay over my terces and Varmous guaranteed me a top priority! If necessary, I can bring the constable, who witnessed the transaction; he will support my case.”
Varmous coughed significantly and Cugel coughed as well.
Ermaulde took Varmous aside and spoke a few urgent words in his ear, whereupon Varmous raised his hands to the sides of his head and pulled at his golden curls. He looked at Cugel and coughed sharply.
Clissum said: “For me there is no choice, only stark necessity! I cannot tolerate the road-side dust; I would wheeze and gasp and go into asthmatic convulsions.”
Perruquil seemed to find Clissum’s sonorous diction and epicurean mannerisms offensive. He snapped: “If indeed you are so asthenic, are you not rash to venture so far out along the caravan trails?”
Clissum, rolling his eyes to the sky, spoke in his richest tones: “As I spend the seconds of my life on this dying world, I am never dismal nor sodden with woe! There is too much glory, too much wonder! I am a pilgrim on a life-long quest; I search here, there, everywhere, for that elusive quality —”
Perruquil said impatiently: “How does this bear upon your asthma?”
“The connection is both implicit and explicit. I vowed that, come what may, I would sing my odes at the Festival, even if contorted in the face from an asthmatic fit. When I found that I might journey in the clean upper air, my rapture knew no bounds!”
“Bah,” muttered Perruquil. “Perhaps we all are asthmatic; Varmous has never troubled to ask.”
During the discussion, Varmous whispered into Cugel’s ear. “Ermaulde reveals that she is pregnant with child! She fears that, if subjected to the jolts and jars of the carriage, an untoward event might occur. There is no help for it: she must ride in cushioned ease aboard the Avventura.”
“I agree, in all respects,” said Cugel.
Their attention was attracted by Ivanello’s merry laugh. “I have full faith in Varmous! Why? Because I paid double fare for the best possible accommodation which, so he assured me, I could choose myself. I therefore select the after cabin. Cugel can bed himself down with the other teamsters.”
Cugel gave a distinct sniff, and spoke sharply: “In this case, Varmous referred only to the carriages. A lad like you will enjoy jumping on and off and gathering berries along the way. The Avventura has been reserved for persons of taste and breeding, such as Clissum and Ermaulde.”
“What of me?” cried the ecclesiarch Gaulph Rabi. “I am studied in four infinities and I sit as a full member of the Collegium. I am accustomed to special treatment. In order to perform my meditations I need a quiet place, such as the cabin.”
Nissifer, with a rustling and a sour smell, took two steps forward. She spoke in a curious husky whisper. “I will ride the ship. Whoever interferes will be tainted.”
Ivanello threw his head back and looked at the woman through half-closed lids. “‘Tainted’? How do you mean ‘tainted’?”
“Do you truly care to learn?” came the husky whisper.
Cugel, suddenly alert, looked around the group. Where were Doctor Lalanke and his wards? In sudden apprehension he ran around to the gangplank and bounded aboard.
His fears were well realized. The three mimes had secluded themselves in the after cabin. Doctor Lalanke stood in the doorway making signals. At the sight of Cugel he cried out in vexation: “Irritating little creatures! Once they decide upon a whim they are beyond control. Sometimes I am beside myself with frustration; I admit it freely!”
“Nevertheless, they must leave my cabin!”
Lalanke showed a wan smile. “I can do nothing. Persuade them to leave however you like.”
Cugel went into the cabin. The three maidens sat on the bunk watching him through large gray eyes. Cugel pointed to the door. “Out with you! This is the captain’s cabin, and I am the captain.”
The maidens with one accord drew up their legs and folded their arms around their knees. “Yes, yes, charming indeed,” said Cugel. “I am not sure whether or not I have the taste for such epicene little creatures. Under proper circumstances I am willing to experiment, but not in a group of three which would be distracting. So come now: remove your fragile little bodies, or I must eject you.”
The maidens sat still as owls.
Cugel heaved a sigh. “So it must be.” He started toward the bed but was interrupted by the impatient voice of Varmous. “Cugel? Where are you? We need to make decisions.”
Cugel went out on deck to find that all the ‘premier’ passengers had climbed the gangplank and were disputing possession of the cabins. Varmous told Cugel: “We can delay no longer! I will bring up the caravan and we will tow the boat behind the first carriage.”
Cugel cried out in fury: “There are too many passengers aboard! Four must take to the carriages! Meanwhile Doctor Lalanke and his troupe have taken my cabin!”
Varmous shrugged his ponderous shoulders. “Since you are captain, you need only issue the appropriate order. Meanwhile, remove the mooring lines all but one and prepare your magic.”
Varmous descended to the ground. “Wait!” cried Cugel. “Where is the steward to cook and serve our meals?”
“All in good time,” said Varmous. “You will prepare the noon lunch, as you have nothing better to do. Now pull up your gangplank! Make ready for departure!”
Seething with annoyance, Cugel tied his rope from the stem-head ring to the trunk of a cypress, then drew aboard the other lines. With the help of Doctor Lalanke and Clissum he pulled aboard the gangplank.
The caravan came along the road. Varmous loosened the rope from the cypress and the boat floated into the air. Varmous tied the rope to the back of the first carriage which was pulled by two farlocks of the bulky Black Ganghorn breed. Without further ado Varmous climbed aboard the carriage and the caravan set off along the river road.
Cugel looked about the deck. The passengers lined the rails, looking out over the countryside and congratulating themselves upon their mode of transport. A semblance of camaraderie had already come into being, affecting all save Nissifer who sat huddled in a rather peculiar posture beside the hold. Doctor Lalanke also stood somewhat apart. Cugel joined him by the rail. “Have you removed your wards from my cabin?”
Doctor Lalanke gravely shook his head. “They are curious little creatures, innocent and without guile, motivated only by the force of their own needs.”
“Surely they must obey your commands!”
Through some extraordinary flexibility of feature, Doctor Lalanke managed to seem both apologetic and amused. “So one would think. I often wonder how they regard me: certainly not as their master.”
