“Yeah. Your roommate. The other tall Barbie blonde who came with us.”

“I know who she is, but why are we looking for her?” Sonya didn’t appear concerned, which was a prime example of them not watching out for each other.

“Because she’s part of our group.” I sighed heavily, wondering how worried I needed to be.

“She’s with her boyfriend.” She acted like that was common knowledge, even though I didn’t know she was dating anyone.

“Okay. So she’s safe?” I double-checked, and she rolled her eyes.

“Of course she is. She just texted me a picture of the two of them.” Sonya showed me Devon, who was covered in marker and had a mischievous smile on her face, just like her “boyfriend.”

Caz’s eyes went wide as she caught a glimpse of the photo. “May I see that?” She tilted Sonya’s phone toward her, and she shook her head. “Wow!”

I couldn’t read her expressions at all. Who was the exclamation for? The man or Devon? I thought she was only into women, so by the process of elimination… But when I studied her face, it didn’t seem like she was commenting on her beauty. I was too tired to keep playing this guessing game with myself.

“What?” I posed the question in an open-ended manner, hoping she would share her thoughts.

“That’s my friend, Matrix. The guy I came with.” She didn’t appear hurt—more surprised. “Maybe that’s why he was hoping I would be ready to date.”

Her words seemed more for herself, but they begged a question for me. If she wasn’t ready to date, did that apply to Ember, too?

“Oh yeah? He’s the reason we’re here. He owns the place.” Sonya wiggled out of our grip while Caz and I were preoccupied. “Hey, why don’t we go golf?” That brief respite must have given her a second wind.

“Oh.” That wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I figured I should stick to my word and keep an eye on her. “Sure.” I stared at Caz expectantly. “Would you want to do that?”

“I think I might head out.”

I wasn’t sure what was going on, but something had shifted.

“Boo!” Sonya chimed in, and I glared at her. “What? You can’t leave when the party just started. That’s like quitting after foreplay.”

“This isn’t everyone’s idea of a good time,” I scolded, but she wasn’t bothered.

“Then why don’t you go, too?” Sonya put her hand on her hip, and had I not been worried about her, I would have.

“Because if I leave, it will give you an excuse to do something stupid. Someone has to hold you accountable.”

“I’m going to be with the owner of the bar. You think he’s going to let me fuck something up?”

“Matt is trustworthy. I’ve known him for a decade. I think she’ll be safe with him.” Caz’s tone was melancholy, and I wanted to offer her support or a listening ear… something.

“How do I know you’ll even find him and Devon? If left to your own devices, you'll inevitably end up back on top of the bar, treating it like your personal stage.”

“We can walk her to them. I have him on 360 and can see his precise location.” Caz showed me a pin that was him.

“See, Mom. You can hold my hand until I get there.” Sonya reached for me, but I swatted her away.

Caz led the charge, Sonya in the middle, and I ended the train. Outside, the music blasted at an ear-splitting volume, causing my temples to throb like a vise squeezing my head.

Fortunately, they were in the clubhouse with fewer people and less fluorescent lighting.

“Hey!” Caz’s friend called out, seemingly surprised.

Meanwhile, Devon and Sonya held hands, spinning around in a circle like they were playing Ring Around the Rosie.

“Hey, yourself.” Caz smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “This one is now your problem. Please make sure she makes it home safely.” Her voice was stern as she pointed to Sonya.

“Of course. Are you okay?” He reached for her, but she shook him off.

“Yeah. But I’m heading out. Super tired.” She yawned for emphasis, but it seemed fake. “Have fun.” She waved without waiting for a response from anyone.

I didn’t want to interrupt Sonya and Devon’s playtime, so I offered a head nod to Matt and rushed after Caz so I wouldn’t lose her in the cluster. I was a few paces back, but I wouldn't push my way through as long as I could see her. Once we reached the parking lot, away from the people and the noise, I called out to her.

She turned around wearily. “Did I drop something?” She patted her pockets and clutched her phone.

“No. I guess I thought you might want some company.” Something was wrong when she left, and I wanted to make it right.

“I appreciate you checking. But I’m good. You can go spend time with them.”

“What if I don’t want to?” I was embarrassed about how I had acted earlier and because of my prior thoughts.

Caz was a sincere person, but I had put her in a box with all the other people who had hurt me, and that wasn’t fair. And right now, something was bothering her, and I wanted to be the one who helped her through it—like she had been there for me.

“I’m going to be honest. You probably don’t want to be around me, either. I’m in my head right now, and I’m not sure it’s a good place.”

“I don’t care. That’s what friends are for.” I smiled, and she gave a half-shrug. “Do you need a ride home? You can maybe get some of those feelings out?”

“A ride would be great, but I’m not the sharing type.” I nodded because I had noticed that before, but I thought it was because she wanted to focus on me for work.

“That’s okay. We can sit in silence, too.” My goal was to show her the person I was, which was the loyal type, not the leaving type.

“Thanks.” Her expression was somber, but there appeared to be a slight smile behind her eyes, and I hoped I caused it.

Chapter 15Caz

Iprobably shouldn’t have gotten into Shiloh’s Prius with her because my mind was a mess. When I first saw her tonight, I felt relieved she was okay, but then my conversation with Matrix popped back into my thoughts, and I wondered if he had been right. Did I have more interest in Shiloh than just helping her?

Was I on edge because so much appeared to be changing for Matrix and I was standing still? He was the only person I ever opened up to, which wasn’t a lot, but finding out he had been keeping so much from me made me feel even more alone. And it wasn’t like they were small events—they were life-changing. Then, I questioned if he would continue to produce the show. Did I even want to continue with the show? I spiraled down a rabbit hole of doubt, wondering if there was a path back to reality.

I turned to look at Shiloh while she focused on the road. Her hair was tucked behind her ear, and she was wearing her standard gray shirt. It was different from the one this afternoon. This one was tighter and closer to the black family. She must have felt my eyes on her because she peeked my way.

“Can I ask you something?” I didn’t want to make things awkward by her catching me staring, so I figured if I spoke, she would think that was why I had been looking at her.

“Of course.”

“Is there a reason you always wear gray?” I had become accustomed to it, yet my curiosity persisted.

“Do you want the real answer or the answer I give most people?” Her voice sounded nervous but slightly playful, which I enjoyed.