“Why? You and Devon will have fun without me.”
“We will have more fun with you.” She was buttering me up. “And if you drive, we’ll pay your way in.”
There it was. They were looking for a DD.
Did I want to do whatever they were planning? No. But did I want them to be safe? Yes. I knew they could get a rideshare, but it was more than that. I didn’t trust that either would look out for the other. When they were drunk or high or both, they made stupid decisions, and the other one was usually the encourager.
“What’s the place?” I conceded.
“You’re going to love it. It’s called Illumi-Links and Drinks.”
“What is it?” Nothing in the name sounded appealing, but I already agreed and didn’t want to disappoint her.
“You’ll see. I promise it will be so much fun! Come to my place when you get off.” She made a kissy noise through the phone. “Bye! Love ya!” She hung up without letting me respond, probably so I didn’t have time to change my mind.
I closed my eyes and breathed out, “Why do I do this to myself?”
A voice replied: “You’re a glutton for punishment.”
My eyes shot open, and I nearly fell out of my seat, but I was alone. Had I imagined that?
“May I come in?” It was Yoni from behind the door.
“Yeah,” I called out, and she sat down before I even offered.
“Hey.” I didn’t ask what she was doing because she would fill me in without prompting.
“Hey, yourself. I wanted to tell you I have a date tonight, so I’ll be leaving early. I realize it probably doesn’t matter because you usually stay late, but I still wanted to tell you.”
This didn’t need to be face-to-face; an email would have been sufficient.
“Okay. I might leave early, too. I have plans tonight.” Sonya had said to come after work, but Yoni didn’t need to know that.
“Oh really? What?” Her disbelieving expression annoyed me, but I couldn’t blame her.
I was more of the stay-at-home type of person. But she didn’t have to act like me doing something was so far removed from reality that it must be a lie.
“I’m going to a new place with some friends.”
“What place? And which friends?” Was she that skeptical, or was she fishing for other information?
I could have made up anyone because we didn’t hang out in the same circle. The chance of her knowing any of my friends was slim, especially considering I only had one and she was a relative.
“I don’t think you know her, and the place is called something and Drinks. I can’t remember the first part.” That wasn’t me being coy. I honestly forgot the nonsensical name.
“Huh.” She cocked her head, and her pink bangs partially concealed her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m excited. It should be a good time.” Something about her cynicism made me want to hype this up.
The evening promised to be more work than play, but Yoni didn’t need to know that.
“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Her fake smile made me believe otherwise, but I had done nothing wrong, so I wouldn’t apologize like I normally did.
“Thank you. I’m happy, too. Please have a good evening, and I’ll talk to you later.” I was done with the conversation, and she surprisingly took the hint and left.
Maybe the parts of Caz that I hoped would rub off on me had. The problem was, I couldn’t tell if this was me being assertive or if I was letting my inner bitch out because of the day I’d had; it was a fine line to walk, but it seemed to be getting easier.
Chapter 13Caz
It was clear that Shiloh was upset, but I wished she would have talked to me about it. Ember was a See You Next Tuesday, and I was happy Shiloh came to that conclusion on her own, but it still had to hurt. When I figured out Davia wasn’t who I thought, various emotions flooded my body and caused me to shut down. And if I were honest, I never fully opened myself back up.
Even though I had met Shiloh as part of a gig, she was the first person I had spoken to about things other than work in over a year. Sure, we spent more time focused on how to help her, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t also benefiting.
I had spent so much time angry at myself for allowing Davia to get away with the things she had done to me. I didn’t realize other people had it worse because they were even more naïve than I was. Being around Shiloh helped me see I didn’t have to be so closed off because good people were still out there—I just needed to find them.
But now she wasn’t returning my texts, and it worried me. I wasn’t even upset about the show. My only concern was her well-being, especially emotionally. She was a sensitive soul, and I could see the hurt in her eyes when she walked away today. Maybe I should have told her how she made a great escape by not trying to pursue things with Ember. However, she didn’t appear receptive to anything at that time.
I almost sent another message, but after four unanswered texts, I figured I should give her space. Besides, I had to meet Matrix tonight at that glow golf thingy. The introvert in me was crying that I didn’t get out of this, especially now that the wingwoman thing wasn’t happening. But it would be better to face my doom sooner than later.
I would have to tell Matrix that Shiloh was out and the Pepper Parade was in. My ass puckered at the thought of what it would go through later, but I had to push that aside. I was supposed to meet Matrix in less than an hour, but I didn’t know what to wear.
Since I would be moving around, I wanted to be comfortable, but I also needed to be presentable because we would socialize. Gross. I didn’t even like that word crossing my mind, but a promise was a promise.
I settled on my go-to look: a white crop top, a flannel tied around my waist, and black distressed jeggings. As I stared at my hair, I was reminded of my post-breakup bang phase, which was a real thing, but I didn’t know—it was the worst idea ever. Too bad I didn’t have anyone to talk some sense into me before I made the drastic change. That decision left me with only one option now: a half-pony to keep my not-quite-long enough hair out of my eyes. It wasn’t my favorite style, but since we were golfing, I needed to see.
Once I was ready, I was out the door in plenty of time, as long as it didn’t take long to get a ride. There was no way I was driving, and I didn’t walk anywhere after dark. As I checked the app, I saw a car five minutes out, so I should still arrive on time-ish.
I checked my notifications while I waited, but still nothing from Shiloh. It was weird not talking to her. We had spent the last two days in constant communication, so not hearing from her felt like my day was incomplete.
