It was clear that Shiloh was upset, but I wished she would have talked to me about it. Ember was a See You Next Tuesday, and I was happy Shiloh came to that conclusion on her own, but it still had to hurt. When I figured out Davia wasn’t who I thought, various emotions flooded my body and caused me to shut down. And if I were honest, I never fully opened myself back up.

Even though I had met Shiloh as part of a gig, she was the first person I had spoken to about things other than work in over a year. Sure, we spent more time focused on how to help her, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t also benefiting.

I had spent so much time angry at myself for allowing Davia to get away with the things she had done to me. I didn’t realize other people had it worse because they were even more naïve than I was. Being around Shiloh helped me see I didn’t have to be so closed off because good people were still out there—I just needed to find them.

But now she wasn’t returning my texts, and it worried me. I wasn’t even upset about the show. My only concern was her well-being, especially emotionally. She was a sensitive soul, and I could see the hurt in her eyes when she walked away today. Maybe I should have told her how she made a great escape by not trying to pursue things with Ember. However, she didn’t appear receptive to anything at that time.

I almost sent another message, but after four unanswered texts, I figured I should give her space. Besides, I had to meet Matrix tonight at that glow golf thingy. The introvert in me was crying that I didn’t get out of this, especially now that the wingwoman thing wasn’t happening. But it would be better to face my doom sooner than later.

I would have to tell Matrix that Shiloh was out and the Pepper Parade was in. My ass puckered at the thought of what it would go through later, but I had to push that aside. I was supposed to meet Matrix in less than an hour, but I didn’t know what to wear.

Since I would be moving around, I wanted to be comfortable, but I also needed to be presentable because we would socialize. Gross. I didn’t even like that word crossing my mind, but a promise was a promise.

I settled on my go-to look: a white crop top, a flannel tied around my waist, and black distressed jeggings. As I stared at my hair, I was reminded of my post-breakup bang phase, which was a real thing, but I didn’t know—it was the worst idea ever. Too bad I didn’t have anyone to talk some sense into me before I made the drastic change. That decision left me with only one option now: a half-pony to keep my not-quite-long enough hair out of my eyes. It wasn’t my favorite style, but since we were golfing, I needed to see.

Once I was ready, I was out the door in plenty of time, as long as it didn’t take long to get a ride. There was no way I was driving, and I didn’t walk anywhere after dark. As I checked the app, I saw a car five minutes out, so I should still arrive on time-ish.

I checked my notifications while I waited, but still nothing from Shiloh. It was weird not talking to her. We had spent the last two days in constant communication, so not hearing from her felt like my day was incomplete.

Finally, the car showed up, and I pocketed my phone and hopped in. Upon entering, I immediately noticed a pungent odor partially masked by the artificial pine scent emanating from the air fresheners. There was tape on the center console, and a low, chanting tone played through the speakers. This would be the last time I opted for this app simply because it was cheaper.

Luckily, the drive was only about ten minutes, but as I exited the car, the smell still lingered, and I worried it was somehow stuck to me. I hadn’t come with anything to combat it besides some breath strips, and I wasn’t rubbing mint flavor all over me. Maybe the wind would air me out.

When I reached the back entrance, the sea of people stretched out before me was overwhelming. Loud music with a thumping bass blasted through speakers, and black lights lit the way. This place should come with a sensory overload warning. Finding Matrix in this mess wouldn’t be easy; maybe I could use that as an excuse to leave.

But he wouldn’t buy that since I had him on my 360 app, so I tried to hype myself up before meeting him. It was hard, though, because being around this type of crowd was my personal hell. While I gained my composure, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I spun around to find him grinning at me, his body covered in marker illuminated by UV light.

“Why did you do that?” I pointed at him, but he held his hand to his ear, signaling he couldn’t hear me. I shook my head.

There was no way I was going to yell over the thunderous music. I still had a show this week and couldn’t do that if I were hoarse. The only good thing about it being so loud was that I didn’t have to talk much, which was fine. If I played a round of golf and had one beer, I would consider my obligation fulfilled.

“You want to get inked?” He screamed while showing off his arms, but I laughed and exaggeratedly mouthed no! He shrugged and reached for my arm to pull me through the masses.

I scanned the place as we walked, and it reminded me of this rave I had gone to in college—minus the copious amounts of drugs, at least that was visible. However, the way everyone was dancing and writing all over their skin made me think some outside influence was at play, and probably more than alcohol.

Once we got inside the bar, the noise was deadened a little, but the vibrations were still present, causing my equilibrium to be off balance. This was not a good first-date idea. To me, it was a bad idea altogether. I didn’t want to come to begin with, but now that I had, I wanted to be here even less.

“Isn’t it cool?” He was still yelling, but I wasn’t sure if he could hear himself, as he was much more boisterous than he needed to be.

“It’s definitely something.” I smiled, hoping he wouldn’t push me for my actual thoughts.

“This is some opening day. I think everyone in the city is here.” His shouting, on top of the other sounds, was causing my head to throb.

“Possibly.” I nodded but quickly stopped as it added to my dizziness.

“So, golf or drink first?” He pointed in both directions, and the thought of going back outside almost gave me a panic attack.

I figured the further we got away from those doors, the better it would be. And also, maybe some of the people would clear out, and my anxiety would settle.

“Drinks would be good.” I walked toward the bar, and he followed, waving to everyone he saw.

I didn’t usually spend time with him in public places, but his actions seemed like he was running for mayor or something.

“Yo, TBJ,” he flagged down the bartender, who was swamped with customers but came running like he was waiting on the president.

“Whose ass have you been kissing?” I raised an eyebrow at him, but he paid no attention to my question.

“Hey, buddy. You’re killing it!” He grabbed the bartender’s hand and pulled him over the counter halfway for a weird bro-hug.

“We could use some more help, but I like what I’m seeing from the staff so far.” He let Matrix go and whipped out a rag to wipe up the mess in front of me. When his dark eyes locked on mine, he smiled brightly. “Hey, pretty lady, what can I do for you?”

“Who says I’m a lady?” I didn’t even care if he was flirting for tips. He didn’t know me or how I identified, so his reference was insensitive.

“I’m sorry, miss. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He slung the towel over his shoulder and looked at Matrix.

“It’s okay. But you want to make sure the customers feel comfortable. And you should never assume their gender.” Matrix was a good person. Even though he identified as he/him and looked like a typical “guys-guy,” I appreciated his ability to break the stereotype by being perceptive.

“Oh, sure, boss. I didn’t know.” He seemed genuinely apologetic, but the “boss” comment took me off guard.

“No worries. But being inclusive is always something to think about.” Matrix tapped his temple, and the bartender nodded before turning to me.

“Definitely. What would you like to drink, beautiful person?”

I stared at him, still annoyed, and realized it wasn’t just the lady part that bothered me so much—it was the reference to my looks. But that shouldn’t be surprising, considering it was coming from someone full of testosterone.

I wanted to scold him, but I'd let that slide if he focused on embracing diversity. “I’ll have a vodka tonic, please.”

“And for you, mate?” He looked at Matrix, and I was impressed with how quickly he picked up on it.

“I’ll do the same. And thanks again. I appreciate your effort… with everything.” Matrix offered him a high-five, which he slapped hard before going to work on our order. “I’m sorry if he offended you.”

“Nah. I’m just pissy. A lot has happened today.” I waved it off, but I was pleased that Matrix stood up for me.

He bumped my shoulder. “What’s up?”

TBJ returned with our drinks and set them down quickly to help serve the rest of the mob.

“Why did he call you boss?” I took a sip through the tiny straw.

“Why did you ignore my question?”

“Why are you ignoring mine?” I countered, and our laughter filled the air.

“How about this? Tell me one reason you’re upset, and I’ll answer you. A little tit for tat, if you will.” He downed half of his drink in one gulp while awaiting my response.

I swirled the ice in my glass before finally summoning the courage to speak. “Shiloh pulled out, so I guess the pepper thing is on.” I gave him a side-eye to see his reaction, and he appeared… disappointed, maybe.

“I’m really sorry, Caz. I know how much you were into helping her.” He patted my forearm, and I wondered why he was comforting me about that instead of the fact that I would have to swallow the flames of hell.