“You can’t carry that alone,” Arden said.
“I’m fine,” she replied.
Arden shook his head, came down the staircase to meet her and took one end of the ladder. It was easier work carrying it with his help, and they came up into the kitchen, then toward the door once more.
“Have you thought of eating a sandwich, Ellen?” Moe asked, catching Sarai’s eye.
“What’s that?” Mammi said. “I don’t want to ruin my appetite.”
“But you need energy, too,” Moe countered. “Maybe just a piece of bread and butter.”
“Are you saying that you want a sandwich, Moe?”
“No, I’m saying—”
Sarai and Arden emerged outside, and Sarai couldn’t help but laugh.
“Your dawdie is doing a good job taking care of Mammi Ellen,” she said.
“Yah.” Arden frowned, looking toward the house again.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t see that between them, Arden,” Sarai said, lowering her voice.
They carried the ladder between them over to the stable, and then Arden set it up.
“They’re friends,” he said.
“They care for each other,” Sarai said. “If you didn’t know them, you would have thought they were an old married couple.”
“If people didn’t know us in town, they might think the same thing,” he said.
“That’s not fair,” she said. “I held your arm to keep those Englishers from bothering me.”
“And Dawdie is just trying to keep your grandmother from overexerting herself,” he replied, picking up both bags in one hand and then putting a hand on the ladder. He sighed and looked over at Sarai. “Here’s the thing, Sarai. Maybe they feel some tenderness between them, and maybe they’re just old friends. But the fact of the matter remains that we, his family, can’t afford to send money.”
“You can’t?” The words were out before she could rethink them.
“No, we can’t.” She noticed the color in his face. “Ohio hasn’t been as easy to settle in as we’d hoped. It’s been a hard start, and we’ve had a few setbacks, as you’ve heard. But it’s worse than that. My family needs my income to make ends meet, and if we’re going to take care of Dawdie, we have to bring him into our home. There is no extra money to just send him something when he needs it.”
“I thought you said earlier that you were thinking about doing just that,” she countered.
His ears turned red. “I was embarrassed, Sarai! I didn’t want to admit it.”
“Oh... I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s better to have it out and stop making things worse with my own pride.” He pulled off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. “And I refuse to have my dawdie resting on the charity of this community when he’s got a family to take care of him. Or resting on your father’s generosity. What kind of man would I be if I was okay with that?”
They couldn’t afford it... She hadn’t realized it was that bad. Then she remembered her worries about the Stoltzfus motivation to get Moe off that farm. Was it only to care for an old man, or were there members of that family who wanted more from Moe, like the farm?
“What will happen to his farm when he leaves?” she asked.
“It’s going to my uncle when Dawdie passes, but until then, I suppose someone will rent it,” he replied. “My uncle will deal with that, since he’ll be inheriting.”
“Why doesn’t your uncle help Dawdie now?” she asked.
“Because everyone is in agreement that Dawdie needs to come be with family,” Arden replied. “This is out of my hands, Sarai. Do you think I have any authority at all in this decision?”
She knew he didn’t have any more authority than she did. They were not the generation who held the reins here, but there was more to this than Arden was telling her. She could feel it.
“Will your uncle sell it?” Sarai asked.
“I don’t know.” Arden just shrugged. “Maybe. Again, that’s out of my hands. Look, I know you want our grandparents together, Sarai, but this isn’t a decision based on romantic notions. This is a realistic conclusion. There isn’t enough money to keep him here on his own land if he needs any extra help to stay here. We just don’t have it.”
She understood now. This was why he had to bring his grandfather back. But Sarai wasn’t a woman who gave up so easily. If Mammi and Moe had feelings for each other, there had to be a solution that allowed them to be together—even if it trampled some Stoltzfus pride.
Arden climbed up the ladder carefully, carrying his load of supplies in one hand as he ascended. He disliked having to break it down like that for Sarai. He’d seen the surprise in her face as she realized what he meant: they were poor.
It hit like a punch to the gut. He hated that.
Some days, Arden was frustrated with his parents for that move to Ohio. It hadn’t been a good one for the family finances, but it had been an adventure, for sure and certain. And it had given him his longed-for fresh start. That move had pulled them all—his family and the other three families who had moved out there—a little closer together as they worked to start a life as a fledgling Amish community.
Sometimes the things Gott asks us to do aren’t easy, his father said again and again. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be beautiful when we’re done.
But on days like this one when he was forced to explain in excruciating detail just how tight their finances were, it was hard to keep the more positive perspective. He put the bags of supplies down on the sloped, shingled roof.
Gott, please give me the money to make things right with Job. I feel Your nudge to fix this, but You haven’t given me enough to offer him restitution. If You’d just bless us for a little while, maybe I could!
He’d prayed this same prayer every time his conscience had pricked him over the last four years, and Gott hadn’t answered him yet. It wasn’t that Arden didn’t want to make things right.
