“Guidance. So I know what not to say. I don’t want to keep upsetting you.”
He was the one who was upset, not me. But his request was not unreasonable. I just didn’t think it was one I could fulfill. “There are no rules, Daniel. The grief just comes on like that sometimes. Suddenly and without warning. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m in tears. My therapist says it’s normal.”
“You have a therapist?”
I nodded. I almost said it was one of the conditions of my release from the Wellstone Center, but I caught myself in time.
“And that helps?” he asked.
“Some.” It didn’t lessen the grief any, but it gave it context and made me feel normal again.
“I’m glad.”
We laid together in silence while I wondered how much longer I needed to stay before I could get up and leave without him getting upset with me again.
Then he said, “I hope this isn’t the last time I’m ever going to see you.”
He sounded sincere and that surprised me. I couldn’t imagine Daniel had a hard time finding women to date. In my Before life he would’ve checked off all the boxes on my list. But in my After life, I no longer had a list. I wasn’t even sure I was ready to start dating again, and I certainly wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. The best part of our date had been the sex. But if that’s all he wanted from me, then maybe this could work. “It won’t be if you don’t want it to be,” I said.
“I don’t want to keep upsetting you.”
“You didn’t upset me. I just get upset sometimes. And that’s not going to change no matter how much therapy I have.”
“Then I don’t want to keep saying the wrong thing.”
“You didn’t. There is no wrong thing. And no right thing.” But I could tell from the sour expression on his face he wasn’t satisfied with my answer. I sighed. If I wanted to have sex with him again, and I did, then I’d have to give him what he wanted from me. “Okay, ground rules. Don’t raise the topic with me, but I might sometimes raise it with you. I can’t pretend my husband and child never existed, but I don’t want to talk about them all the time either. I’m trying to live in the present, not the past, but sometimes the past intrudes on the present and there’s nothing I can do about it. If this is going to work, you have to be okay with that.”
“I’m okay with it.”
“Then we’re good.” I smiled.
In response his penis stood straight up, pitching a tent in the sheets. We both laughed.
Daniel said, “He knows there’s a beautiful woman in his bed.”
“I’m sure I’m not the first.”
“No,” Daniel admitted. “But maybe the last.”
The only reason I wasn’t terrified was because I knew he was feeding me a line.
When I told Daniel I had to leave because I was going to a barbecue that afternoon, he offered to accompany me, but I declined. This date had already lasted much longer than it should have. Plus, I knew if I showed up at Tim and Richard’s house with Daniel on my arm, Tim would immediately start planning our wedding.
I parked on the street in front of Tim and Richard’s house and let myself into their backyard through the side gate. I’d assumed everyone would be gathered on the patio as usual, but it was empty. Richard hadn’t even turned on the grill yet. I walked to the back door and peeked in through the glass window, but all I could see was the laundry piled on top of the washing machine. I returned to the front of the house. Both cars were parked in the driveway, so I knew they were home.
I knocked on the front door. As soon as Jayden opened it, I could hear Tim and Richard’s raised voices from upstairs. Jayden didn’t stick around to explain. He disappeared into the back of the house, where I assumed the rest of the kids were hiding too. I was debating between going to check on them or turning around and leaving, when Richard bolted down the steps. He stopped short when he saw me. “Grace, I didn’t know you were here.”
“I just got here. I thought we were barbecuing this afternoon.” I set the box of cupcakes I’d purchased on the way over on the console table. “I must’ve gotten my dates mixed up. Sorry.”
“No, we just lost track of time,” Richard said, “Come in.”
“No, I’ll leave. Or I can take the kids for a while if you guys need some time alone.” I didn’t know how I’d fit six children in my car, but we’d figure it out. Or we could always go for a walk in the neighborhood.
Tim appeared at the top of the staircase. He looked upset, but when he saw me, he pasted a smile on his face and said, “Don’t go. We’re celebrating.”
“You are?”
“Yes,” he said, joining Richard at the bottom of the stairs. “We’re getting a baby!”
Chapter 9
“Congratulations!” I shouted. I looked from Tim to Richard and back to Tim. Neither looked happy about the news. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Richard replied then paused before adding, “Maybe not at this precise moment in time though.”
“No time like the present,” Tim said.
Richard glared at him.
“This seems like something you two should celebrate alone,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take the kids for a few hours? I don’t mind, but I may need to borrow your minivan.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Tim said. Then he noticed the bakery box sitting on the console table. “You brought cupcakes. It’s a party.”
Richard went outside to light the grill, and the kids slowly trickled out of their hiding spaces. Tim shooed them all out to the backyard along with the dogs. The cat and the gecko remained hidden somewhere inside the house.
Tim pulled a package of ground beef out of the refrigerator and started dividing it up into similarly sized balls. At his direction I chopped tomatoes and cucumbers for a salad.
I waited until we’d both gotten into a rhythm before I said, “I don’t want to pry but—”
