Mental Preparation: Before diving into deeper work, take a few moments to ground yourself. This might involve taking deep breaths, listening to calming music, or practicing a brief meditation.
Setting Intentions: Before each session, set clear intentions. It might be something like, “Today, I want to write a letter to the part of me that felt ignored,” or “Today, I will explore why I feel anxious in crowds.”
Emotional Safety
Recognize that exploring your inner child can bring up potent emotions. Have a self-care plan ready for afterward. This might include:
A soothing activity like reading a favorite book or taking a bath
Talking to a trusted friend or family member
Listening to your favorite songs
Cooking your favorite meal
Remember, the objective is to make your inner child feel valued, heard, and protected. By establishing a specific, comforting space and routine, you signal to that part of yourself that they are worth this time, attention, and love.
Going back to our past and giving our inner child the love they missed out on can change the trajectory of our lives. Through inner child work, you start to navigate challenges with a deeper sense of understanding. This doesn’t just make you stronger emotionally; it also allows you to connect with others more authentically. By doing this, we lay the groundwork for richer, more meaningful relationships and a life filled with greater compassion for ourselves and those around us.
FROM CODEPENDENT LOVE TO HEALTHY LOVE
First, I want you to know that it is very possible to shift and heal codependent patterns into healthy relationships. As we heal and grow, learning to love ourselves and others in new ways can stir up conflicting emotions. This is where the journey may feel difficult, as it forces you to look at patterns that have largely allowed you to get your emotional needs met by seeking approval, love, affection, attention, and, for some, control.
Codependency often involves trying to control others covertly, overtly, consciously, or unconsciously in order to feel loved, valued, and accepted. By focusing all their energy on another person, codependents are able to avoid doing their own inner work. This is a destructive pattern that keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships and prevents them from experiencing genuine connection and love.
It is absolutely possible to shift from codependent love to healthy love, but it takes time, self-awareness, introspection, and a willingness to take personal responsibility and accountability for your actions and expectations.
You will have to let go of the need to control others and instead focus on being in control of yourself. This may involve setting healthy boundaries, communicating effectively, and allowing others to be themselves without trying to change them.
As you navigate this journey, it is important to ask yourself tough questions about your expectations, your reactions, and your willingness to let go of codependency.
Some helpful questions to ask yourself might be:
Are you willing to pause and think before you react?
Are you ready to give up toxic codependent patterns and embrace the path to becoming the best version of yourself?
What are some of your expectations that are grounded in codependency and control?
How willing are you to pause and think about your response before reacting?
Are you OK with accepting people as they are and then deciding if it works for you?
How can you utilize consequential thinking so that you don’t self-sabotage your healing journey?
So, after diving into these thought-provoking questions, what’s the next step for you? Your answers to these questions will be a part of your personal roadmap to self-discovery and improvement. Instead of getting caught up in trying to control others, you can put your energy into making some real changes in your life. Here’s how you can turn these insights into action:
Set Some Goals: Take those insights and turn them into practical goals for yourself. What are some concrete steps you can take to become the best version of yourself? Write them down.
Pause and Breathe: Remember to hit the pause button before reacting. This simple act of mindfulness can help you respond to situations more calmly and wisely.
Lean on Support: It’s perfectly okay to seek support from a therapist, counselor, or even friends who understand your journey. They can provide guidance and a listening ear.
Keep Checking In: Make it a habit to check in with yourself regularly. Are you sticking to your goals? Are you shedding those codependent patterns? What’s working and what needs adjustment?
Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t forget to celebrate your victories along the way, no matter how small. Each step you take is a step closer to your best self.
As you embark on this journey, remember it’s all about you, your growth, and your path to becoming the best version of yourself. Don’t let the need to control others sidetrack you from this incredible journey of self-discovery and improvement.
SOMATIC WORK
Somatic work can be a powerful tool to implement while on your heart sabbatical. At its core, somatic work is an approach that focuses on the connection between the mind and the body, specifically how our bodies hold on to and process emotions and trauma. Imagine it as a bridge that links our physical experiences to our emotional ones.
When you are embarking on a healing journey after a toxic relationship, you must understand that the pain and trauma you experienced has left an imprint on your body. These imprints manifest in ways you may not be aware of, such as muscle tension, headaches, digestive issues, and shallow breathing. This is why somatic work is crucial in healing. By learning to regulate your nervous system and manage emotional triggers, you can begin to connect with your body and access its innate wisdom.
One important aspect of somatic work is learning to self-regulate. This means understanding how your body responds to stress, and learning tools to calm yourself down when triggered. This may include practices like deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or other forms of movement that help you connect with your body.
Another important aspect of somatic work is coping with and managing emotional triggers. You must learn to identify your triggers and how they manifest in your body. This means developing a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape and how it affects your physical well-being. With this knowledge, you can begin to cultivate practices that support you in managing your triggers when they arise.
Here are some examples:
Tightness in the Chest: Imagine you’re in a meeting, and a colleague interrupts you. Suddenly, you feel a tightness in your chest. This could be an emotional trigger from past experiences when you felt unheard or invalidated. The tightness is a physical manifestation of those feelings.
Butterflies in the Stomach: Before giving a public speech or presentation, you might feel “butterflies” in your stomach. This could be tied to a past experience when you felt judged or embarrassed in front of a crowd.
Increased Heart Rate: Perhaps you’re watching a movie, and a particular scene reminds you of a traumatic event. Your heart rate might increase, and you could start sweating. This is your body’s fight-or-flight response to a remembered trauma.
Feeling “Frozen” or Numb: Sometimes, in stressful situations, you might feel unable to move or think clearly. This could be a response tied to past experiences when you felt trapped or helpless.
