Standards are the expectations you have for yourself and your partner in a relationship. They encompass the qualities and behaviors you value. Identifying your standards helps you understand what you want and need in a relationship, creating a benchmark for what you will accept and what you won’t. Examples include honesty, respect, loyalty, kindness, and effective communication. Standards empower you to make informed choices about your partner and ensure your relationship aligns with your values.

Deal Breakers

Deal breakers are the non-negotiables in a relationship, the things you cannot tolerate. These are aspects so important that they warrant ending a relationship if they are not met. Examples may include cheating, abuse, addiction, or a lack of respect. Deal breakers protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being and preserve your self-respect and self-worth.

Core Values

Core values are the guiding principles that define who you are, what you stand for, and what you believe in. They encompass aspects of life that are deeply significant to you, such as family, spirituality, education, or personal growth. Core values provide a moral compass, helping you stay true to yourself and your beliefs. They aid in decision-making, ensuring your actions and choices align with your life’s purpose and goals.

Some examples include:

Certainty: Certainty is about having confidence and clarity in your relationship. You should feel sure about your partner’s feelings and commitment to the relationship. If you are uncertain or unclear about where you stand with your partner, it can create anxiety and doubt, which can be detrimental to the health of the relationship.

Clarity: Clarity is about being clear and direct in your communication. You should be able to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that is understood by your partner, and vice versa. Avoidance of issues or being vague can lead to misunderstandings and frustration, so it’s important to be clear with your words and actions.

Commitment: Commitment is about being dedicated and invested in the relationship. It means making an effort to prioritize the relationship and to work through challenges and obstacles that may arise. A lack of commitment can lead to instability and insecurity in the relationship.

Communication: Good communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. It means actively listening to your partner, expressing your own thoughts and feelings, and finding ways to resolve conflicts and solve problems together. Communication helps foster understanding and strengthen emotional bonds.

Compromise: Compromise is a necessary value in any relationship. It means finding common ground, negotiating differences, and making mutual sacrifices for the benefit of the partnership. Compromise helps create a sense of teamwork and collaboration, and fosters feelings of respect and appreciation.

Consistency: Consistency is about being reliable and predictable in your actions and behavior. In a healthy relationship, you want to be able to count on your partner to be there for you when you need them, and for them to follow through on their promises. Consistency helps build trust and stability.

Emotional Safety: Emotional safety is about feeling secure and protected in the relationship. You should feel comfortable expressing yourself and being vulnerable with your partner without fear of being rejected or ridiculed. Emotional safety is necessary for building deep connections and trust in the relationship.

Emotional Security: Emotional security is about feeling confident and assured in your partner’s love and commitment. It means feeling safe and secure in the knowledge that your partner values and cares for you. Emotional security helps create a stable and supportive environment that is essential for the health of the relationship.

Empathy: Empathy is an important value in any healthy relationship. It means being able to understand and share your partner’s feelings and experiences, and to respond with compassion and support. Empathy helps create a sense of connection and intimacy, and fosters feelings of closeness and understanding.

Honesty: Honesty is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. It means being truthful and transparent in all your communications, and being open and upfront about your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Honesty creates trust and builds strong foundations for deeper connections.

Respect: Respect is an essential value in any healthy relationship. It means treating your partner with kindness, consideration, and empathy, and valuing their opinions, beliefs, and feelings. When partners show mutual respect, they are able to create an environment of support and validation.

Responsibility: Responsibility is a crucial value in any healthy relationship. It means taking accountability for your own actions, being reliable and dependable, and being willing to take care of your partner when they need support. Responsibility helps create a sense of stability and security, and fosters feelings of trust and respect.

Trust: Trust is a vital component of any relationship. It means having confidence in your partner, knowing that they will keep their promises and act in your best interest. Trust helps create a sense of security and stability, which is necessary for a healthy relationship.

Take some time alone to think about what you need in a relationship and why these values are important to you. These could range from things like respect, honesty, and loyalty to understanding, communication, and compassion. Once you have identified your core values, take the time to write them down and reflect on what they mean for you personally.

Boundaries

Setting boundaries is like drawing a line in the sand, defining what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationships. A boundary is not an ultimatum or a punishment, and it’s not a way of manipulating someone into behaving the way we want them to. Instead, it’s a clear and compassionate expression of our needs and limits, which can help us navigate our relationships in a way that’s respectful and authentic.

Boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy connections with others. They can take various forms, such as emotional (expressing your feelings), physical (personal space), and relating to time (allocating time for yourself). Implementing boundaries is an act of self-preservation and self-respect. By communicating your needs and limits clearly, you build trust and respect in your relationships.

What does it look like for you when those boundaries are crossed? Start by determining what your boundaries should be in any type of relationship so you can recognize when they are being broken or disregarded. Setting clear boundaries will help protect your emotional safety within any relationship, whether platonic or romantic, as well as help you get closer to embodying your core values around healthy relationships.

Protecting your emotional well-being means identifying the relationships that cause harm—whether familial, romantic, professional, or platonic—and establishing healthy boundaries. This may involve maintaining distance, terminating relationships, or simply speaking up when someone crosses your boundaries.

The re-parenting process is about nurturing and taking care of your inner child. Your inner child may be wounded from past traumas and rejections, and it’s important to acknowledge and tend to those wounds. Re-parenting them involves redirecting your thoughts and feelings when you’re feeling rejected and abandoned to soothing self-talk.

To implement these concepts effectively, begin with self-reflection. This process requires honesty, vulnerability, and introspection. Ask yourself what you want and need in a relationship and what you’re willing to contribute. Be specific about your expectations and communicate them to your partner respectfully and assertively.

Remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Knowing your boundaries, standards, core values, and deal breakers forms the foundation for creating the fulfilling and meaningful relationships you deserve.

HEALING HEART MEDITATION

This meditation focuses on the practice of releasing someone from your heart and mind. This can be a difficult and painful process, but it is essential for your own growth and happiness.

Take a deep breath and allow yourself to relax, either sitting or lying down. Let your body sink into a comfortable position and let your mind settle into a calm state.

Take a moment to think about the person you want to release. This may be an ex-partner, a former friend, or anyone who has caused you pain and hurt. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise, but do not dwell on them. Instead, let them flow through you and release them with each breath.

Visualize a golden cord extending from your heart to the person you want to release. This cord represents the energetic connection that exists between you and the other person. See it clearly in your mind’s eye and pay attention to any emotions or sensations that arise.

Now, imagine a bright white light flowing down from above and enveloping both you and the person you want to release. This light is warm and comforting, and it has the power to dissolve any negative attachments or emotions that may be holding you back.

As the light fills your body and surrounds you, see the golden cord begin to melt and dissolve. Watch as it fades away into the light, taking with it any lingering pain, hurt, or resentment that you may be holding on to.

As the cord disappears, imagine a feeling of lightness and freedom washing over you. You are no longer bound to this person by negative emotions or attachments. You are free to move forward with your life, unencumbered by the past.

As you finish your meditation, take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to return to the present moment. Know that you have taken an important step toward healing and growth, and that you are capable of releasing anyone who no longer serves you.

Repeat this visualization as often as you need to. Remember that releasing someone is a process, and it may take time to fully let go. Be patient with yourself and trust that you will find the peace and happiness you deserve.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE HEALING

When going through the aftermath of a difficult breakup, it’s not uncommon to feel like you’re wading through murky waters. Often, there’s a haze of emotions, memories, and what-ifs that cloud your vision. It’s like trying to navigate through a thick forest with no compass. However, healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s an intricate process that unfolds layer by layer. What’s essential to remember is that healing is not linear; there may be ups and downs, moments of doubt followed by moments of clarity. Now that you have truly begun to heal, it is time for you to turn your attention even deeper to your heart sabbatical. While every individual’s healing process is unique, there are common signs that indicate progress on this journey.

You no longer feel the need to constantly check your ex-partner’s social media accounts. This shows that you are no longer seeking validation or trying to keep tabs on their life.

You have learned to respect your own and other people’s boundaries around communication.

You understand that respecting their need for space is important for both of you to move on.

You have become aware of patterns in your relationships, such as playing the savior, people-pleasing, auditioning, and performing. This means that you are making a conscious effort to not repeat these patterns, and you’re able to build healthier relationships.

You are discovering the beauty of solitude, finding joy and contentment in your own company, and embracing the moments you spend with yourself. This shows that you have developed a healthy relationship with yourself.

Your desire to return to the cycle of uncertainty, confusion, and betrayal has diminished. You are no longer attracted to toxic or unhealthy relationships, and you are now able to recognize red flags and avoid them.

You’re compassionately reflecting on your past relationship, recognizing both your role in it and the areas where you weren’t at fault. You’re not only taking responsibility for your actions but also granting yourself grace for things outside of your control. This journey of understanding is accompanied by a deep sense of self-forgiveness, allowing you to embrace lessons without holding on to burdens.

You are aware of your inner child’s wounds and are actively working to re-parent yourself. This means that you are addressing any unresolved childhood traumas and taking steps to heal from them.

You now seek answers from your triggers instead of avoiding them. This means that you are willing to confront difficult emotions, rather than deflecting them through unhealthy coping mechanisms.

You understand how your ego allowed you to chase unrequited love in order to avoid facing rejection. This means that you are no longer seeking validation from external sources and are instead building a strong sense of self-worth.