As you discover these tucked-away parts, you might remember why they were hidden in the first place. For Haley, she might reflect on the times she silently resented her sister. That, coupled with entertaining harsh self-talk telling herself that she will never be good enough while also resenting her sister for being able to secure her parents’ attention and validation. Reflecting on these parts helps Haley make sense of the underlying resentment preventing her from having a close relationship with her sister.
The “Embrace, Don’t Erase” Technique
Instead of shoving these parts back into the dark, let’s give them a little spotlight. Ask, “What are they trying to tell me?” Welcoming them can offer a fuller, more rounded sense of self.
Together, inner child work, ego work, and shadow work provide a powerful framework for healing and recalibrating the relationship you have with yourself. By identifying and healing your inner wounds, developing a healthier sense of self, and embracing all aspects of yourself, you can break free from the patterns that hold you back and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Let’s focus on inner child work for now, as ego and shadow work will be discussed in deeper detail in the following section. There are different approaches to inner child work, but they all share a common goal: to help you connect with your inner child and provide the nurturing and support that you may have missed out on in childhood. Some techniques that aid our healing of the inner child include journaling, visualization, meditation, and talking to your inner child.
Journaling is a powerful tool for inner child work. By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you can identify the patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back. You can also use journaling to communicate with your inner child, asking them what they need and how you can support them. Here are a few questions to get you started:
Revisiting Memories: Think back to a childhood moment when you felt intense emotion (whether happiness, sadness, fear, or excitement). Describe the scene in detail. Who was there? What happened? How did it make you feel then, and how does it make you feel now?
Messages from the Past: What messages or beliefs did you internalize from your parents, caregivers, or other significant figures from your childhood? How have these messages influenced your decisions, self-worth, and relationships in adulthood?
Conversations with the Younger You: If you could have a heart-to-heart conversation with your younger self, what would you say? What would they say back to you? What advice, comfort, or perspective would you offer them?
Visualization involves creating a mental image of your inner child and imagining yourself providing the support and love that they need in the present moment. You can also visualize yourself going back in time to soothe and reassure your inner child during a time when they needed it the most.
Meditation is another effective tool in inner child work that plays a pivotal role in inner child healing. Sitting in silence, focusing intently on your breath, does several transformative things:
Calms Mind Chatter: Our minds are often filled with a cacophony of thoughts, memories, and emotions. Meditation helps quiet this internal noise, making it easier to tune into the deeper, often suppressed parts of ourselves.
Regulates the Body’s Stress Response: Deep, focused breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system—the part responsible for calming the body and mind. This physiological response creates a relaxed environment, facilitating a deeper emotional connection to our inner child.
Creates a Safe Emotional Environment: In the tranquility of meditation, we can visualize a safe space where our inner child feels protected and heard. This mental sanctum allows for vulnerable memories and emotions to surface without the fear of judgment or external disturbances.
Enhances Self-Awareness: Meditation sharpens our introspective abilities, enabling us to recognize patterns, feelings, and reactions that might stem from childhood experiences. With this awareness, we can more effectively address and nurture those wounded parts.
By merging the calming effects on the mind and body with focused introspection, meditation creates a nurturing environment where our inner child can step forward, be acknowledged, and begin the healing journey.
Soothing self-talk is also an important aspect of inner child work. By addressing your inner child directly and acknowledging their pain and needs, you can begin to repair the relationship you have with yourself. Here are a few examples of soothing self-talk:
“It makes sense that you feel this way.”
“You did the best you could back then. I’m proud of you.”
“I love you, and I’m here now.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I’ll protect you now.”
“I’m listening. Tell me how you feel, and we’ll work through it together.”
“You are safe now. I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore.”
“I apologize for not being there for you earlier. Let’s reconnect.”
“You are not alone anymore. We’re in this together.”
Self-reflection is needed for the task of recognizing the emotional triggers that stem from childhood experiences. This can be uncomfortable, but it is a crucial step in healing your inner child. It’s not always a comfortable journey, but it can be a game-changer once you realize how your triggers have been running your emotional show.
Identify Emotional Triggers: Begin by carrying a small notebook with you or using a notes app on your phone. Whenever you notice a strong emotional reaction to a situation, jot it down. It might be a feeling of intense anxiety when someone is late or an overwhelming sadness when you feel excluded from a group.
Reflect on the Origin: Set aside quiet time each week to review these triggers. Ask yourself, “When was the first time I felt this way?” or “Does this remind me of something in my past?” Often, you’ll find that current reactions are magnified by past experiences.
Seek Support: Discussing these triggers with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be invaluable. They can offer a fresh perspective and may help you see patterns you weren’t aware of. If you decide to discuss it with someone, choose a person who’s empathetic and non-judgmental.
Accountability Partner: Having someone who knows about your journey can be beneficial. They can gently point out when they notice a trigger reaction in you, allowing you to catch and address it sooner.
Affirmations and Reassurance: Whenever you recognize a trigger, offer words of comfort to your inner child. It could be as simple as whispering to yourself, “It’s okay, I’m here for you now.”
Continue the Dialogue: Consider setting aside a few minutes each day for “inner child time.” This can be a moment where you mentally check in with your younger self, ask how they’re feeling, and offer reassurance.
By identifying and reflecting on these emotional triggers, and with the help of supportive figures in your life, you can start to unpack and heal the childhood wounds they’re connected to. For example, if you grapple with abandonment issues today, it might be tied back to earlier times in your life when you felt left behind or overlooked. By acknowledging and addressing these root causes, you take a big step toward healing.
Creating a Safe Space
Another task is creating a safe and nurturing space for your inner child to express themselves. Creating a dedicated, safe environment for self-exploration is fundamental. This isn’t just about mental spaces, but also physical and emotional ones.
Physical Space: Choose a location where you feel at ease and undisturbed. This could be a cozy corner of your bedroom, a quiet spot in a park, or even a dedicated space in your home filled with items that evoke comfort and warmth. Here are some suggestions:
Soft blankets or cushions
Gentle lighting or candles
Favorite childhood toys or pictures
Digital Detox: Before entering this space, consider taking a digital detox. Switch off your phone or put it on airplane mode to ensure there are no interruptions.
