“You’ve never made me feel pressured. You have been so understanding that I feel guilty for not overcoming my fears.” She was contrite, but she didn’t have a reason to be.
“Hey, it’s fine. But why don’t you talk to me about what you’re afraid of? Maybe that will make it better.” It was apparent she was shy, but there might be more to it than that.
She sat there for a minute, her eyes blankly fixed on a point across the room. “I get embarrassed easily. I feel stupid a lot, and I’m afraid to be the butt of the joke. And if this goes south, it’s not just you, me, and Ember who will know about it—but thousands of people who listen and watch you.”
Those were legitimate fears, and I couldn’t necessarily fix them, but I might be able to lessen their impact.
“I’m never going to allow you to look foolish. Even if something went sideways, I wouldn’t shoot anything live. People are interested in the journey, the fairytale, and that’s what we’ll give them, regardless of the outcome.” I wasn’t saying we would lie, but this was how the media worked. We dictated the narrative.
“Do you think it will be bad?” Her voice was so small, and her energy shifted.
“No! I think Ember is fucking lucky that you want to give her the time of day.”
She shook her head. “You’re just trying to build me up.”
I was doing that, but not falsely. I believed what I was saying. “Please trust me. You have a lot to offer.”
“I don’t know about that.” She hung her head, and I needed more to go on than just my feelings.
“Tell me three things you like about yourself.” I held up one finger, encouraging her to start.
“What kind of things?” She furrowed her brows.
“It doesn’t matter. It just has to be something you like.”
She raised her shoulders dismissively. “I don’t know.”
“That’s not good enough. I can start if you need me to.” I stared at her pointedly.
“Well, of course, you’ll have three things to say about yourself that you like. You’re… assured.”
“First of all, I was talking about you. And secondly, I’ve told you I was a hermit after my breakup, which happened three years ago. What part of that makes me sound confident?” I didn’t mean to be self-deprecating, but I needed her to understand that we all have struggles, which was okay.
“Yeah, but you have done that by choice. If you wanted to go out into the world and talk to people, you could. You have all the skills inside you to make anyone like you.” The corner of her mouth hitched into the slightest smile, and her tiny dimple showed.
“And anyone would be crazy not to take the time to get to know you. You are quiet at first, but you have so much personality dying to get out if you could get over your insecurities. You are a sweet, smart, and… funny person.” I had to stop myself from finishing that alliteration with sexy, but the way she was looking at me now, so intensely, that was a word that floated through my mind.
“You might be the only one who feels that way.”
“Do you disagree?” I challenged her.
“Oh, I don’t—”
“Don’t you dare say you don’t know. What adjective did I use that was wrong? There are so many others I could say, but that won’t make you believe them. You have to come to those conclusions on your own. So… tell me your thoughts.” Taking a compliment could be hard, but giving yourself one was even more difficult.
I understood that, but I wouldn’t back down on this. She was so close to a breakthrough. I could tell.
“I agree that I’m the things you said—sometimes. But there are many more things I could work on to be better.”
“That’s true for everyone. We all have to choose to grow. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give ourselves credit for where we are.”
She nodded imperceptibly, and I wondered if it was finally sinking in. “I’m a hard worker. I try to be open-minded, and I’m forgiving.”
“Those are great things to be, and I’m so proud of you for acknowledging your worth.”
“You make me feel like I’m a different person.” She let out a heavy breath.
“No, this person has been inside you, but somewhere along the way, you have taught yourself to suppress them.”
“That’s called self-preservation.” She chuckled, but I could tell she didn’t think it was funny.
“Maybe that was the case before, but you are resilient. You’ve been through stuff but came out of it stronger, and you no longer need to hide. You don’t give a fuck what people think because you are doing the best you can.”
Now, her laugh turned into something real. “I think you’ve confused me with yourself, but I’ll ride your coattails if you let me.”
I grabbed her by the shoulders to make sure she was looking directly at me. “You do not belong in anyone’s shadow. You are the light. Remember that.” My therapist had beat so many of these mantras into my head, but they didn’t resonate with me until now. “Say it.”
“Say what?” She licked her lips nervously, and I needed to give myself space.
I pulled her off the couch so she was standing. I thought it might make her feel more powerful, and it gave me an excuse to back away from her. “Say I don’t need to hide. I am the light.”
“Okay.” She appeared deep in thought, and I sighed.
“Out loud!” I scolded, and she spat it out quickly but quietly. “With conviction—I don’t need to hide. I am the light!” My voice filled the small space, reverberating off the walls, and I worried I might get a noise complaint, but if it would empower her, it was worth it.
“I don’t need to hide. I am the light.” Her tone wasn’t as powerful as mine, but it was above a whisper, so I called it a win.
“Exactly. Now, tomorrow, you’ll invite her on a date.” I almost choked on that last word because I couldn’t see them together, but I was helping Shiloh live her best life, not the life I envisioned.
